Dear Queenie,
I have watched my daughter playing with other children and I notice that she doesn’t stand up for herself when some of them say mean things or even physically push her around. When I asked her why she puts up with that stuff she said she wants them to like her and doesn’t want to hurt their feelings.
Queenie, what should I do? Should I intervene when I see this happen or should I tell her to stand up for herself or should I just stay out of it?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
Do not intervene. If you do, things will just get worse when you are not around.
However, you should tell your daughter not to accept such abuse in silence. She should feel free to protest when someone abuses her, without worrying about their feelings. After all, they are not showing any concern for how she feels, except to make her feel bad, and so they do not deserve any consideration from her.
Also, you should encourage her to find other, more congenial playmates, and help her to do so.
Dear Queenie,
Someone I know who is expecting a baby is having four different baby showers held for her.
Queenie, isn’t that a bit too much?—Just wondering
Dear Wondering,
Well, it all depends.
If the same people are invited to more than one shower, that seems just plain gift-greedy.
If each shower has a different guest list, I have to wonder whether she really has so many close friends and relatives, or if the hosts are just inviting everyone they can think of who might ever have met the mother-to-be, which again seems just plain gift-greedy.
Whatever the case, if you have been invited to more than one such event, feel free to accept one invitation and decline the rest – without comment, please, unless you want to start an argument.
Dear Queenie,
I was on a date with this guy and he kept answering his phone and sending text messages all the time. I thought he was terribly rude, but I didn’t say anything, but the next time he asked me for a date I said I was too busy and he hasn’t called me again.
Queenie, what do you think of all this?—Offended date
Dear Offended,
I agree with you – this guy was terribly rude.
In your place I would have ordered and enjoyed the most expensive meal that appealed to me and then, right after dessert, have told him, “I see you are busy and do not have time for me,” and gotten up and left him sitting there with his cell phone and a huge dinner bill. And if he called me again, like you I would not have accepted another invitation from him, but I would have made a point of telling exactly why.
Dear Queenie,
I let my boyfriend take some “bedroom” photos of me and then I found out he showed them to some of his friends. When I complained that the photos were supposed to be private between just the two of us he didn’t understand why I was so upset.
Queenie, what’s the matter with him? Why are men so stupid?—Embarrassed
Dear Embarrassed,
Many men just love to brag about their conquests and the photos were proof that he was not making it up.
As for men being so stupid, well, how smart was it to let him take those photos in the first place, and to let him keep charge of them in the second place? “Secrets” have a way of getting out as soon as more than one person knows them. I hope you have learned a lesson from all this.
Finally, if your boyfriend cannot or refuses to understand why you were so upset about what he did, you should seriously consider whether you want to continue a relationship with someone so indifferent to your feelings.
Dear Queenie,
We have been good friends with our neighbours for years, at least we thought we were, but when their daughter got married we were not invited. We assumed it was because they had to limit the guest list, but after the wedding they showed us pictures of the wedding and it was a huge event with a lot of other friends of theirs present.
Now the daughter is pregnant and they’re having a baby shower for her and this I am invited to, but I really don’t feel like going after being left out of the wedding.
Queenie, were they inconsiderate or am I being too thin-skinned?—Snubbed
Dear Snubbed,
It seems rather tactless of your friends to go on about the wedding to which you were not invited, but inviting you to the shower may be their way of making up for leaving you out of the wedding. You must decide how you want to take all this, as it will affect the future of the friendship.
