Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I got together after he broke up with his former girlfriend. Things were just great for a while, but then they made up and got back together.
Even after they were back together he still stayed in touch with me and I would see him now and then.
Now he says he wants us to be together again, but he has some things he has to work out.
Queenie, what should I do? Should I wait for him?—Impatient
Dear Impatient,
Wait for what? For him to get together with you and then decide he wants to be with his former girlfriend – or maybe someone else?
Either this guy doesn't know what he wants, or wants whatever he can't have, or wants to have his cake (his former girlfriend) and eat it too (have you, and God only knows how many others, on the side).
Whatever way you look at him, this guy is bad news.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been together for several years. Things were just great at first but now they're not.
He has this thing about sports. He has to watch his favourite teams every time they play and I'm not supposed to interrupt him because he might miss something, like some player scratching his crotch or spitting on the field or whatever.
There are so many games he doesn't have any time left over for me. It's almost as bad as if he had another woman.
Queenie, how can I get him to understand how this affects our relationship?—Sports widow
Dear Sports widow,
Apparently your boyfriend has become so accustomed to having you around that he has started taking you for granted. You could try smashing the TV set or cutting off the cable TV, but he'd probably just go out to a sports bar or casino to watch and you'd still be left alone, without even a TV for company.
If you can find a time when he isn't glued to a game, try to talk to him about this. If that doesn't work, tell him you want to take a break from the relationship and kick him out (or leave, if you're living in his house or apartment).
Then, if your absence from his life doesn't bring him to his senses, consider yourself lucky to be rid of him and start looking for someone who shares your interests and considers you more important than anything else in his life.
Dear Queenie,
I found out my boyfriend has been making passes at my mother. You understand, he's my age, not an older man.
I tried to talk to him about it because it's making all of us uncomfortable. He claims he's in love with me and only me, but he still hugs her all the time and asks her out, and once he even tried to kiss her and it wasn't like a son or son-in-law.
Queenie, how can I make him stop without losing him?—Feeling weird
Dear Feeling weird,
I can't help wondering if this crazy letter is for real, or a figment of the imagination(s) of a (bunch of) adolescent(s) who are trying to take me for the proverbial ride.
Assuming for the sake of argument that your letter is on the up-and-up, I have a better question for you: why do you want to keep this jerk? He has already given you a sample of what you can expect from him if you stay together: he will cheat on you every chance he gets, even with your own mother if she would let him.
As for stopping him, dump him. And if that doesn't do the trick, it's up to your mother – perhaps with your father's help – to set this creep straight and send him on his way. And if they can't manage to do the job, file a complaint of harassment with the police and let them take care of the problem.
Dear Queenie,
I'm studying abroad and my girlfriend is going to college at home. We decided to have a sort of open relationship – we could date other people but we set certain limits, like no sex with anyone else but each other.
When I was home on vacation she admitted that she got drunk once and had sex with her date. She feels very guilty and says she still loves me, but I know I didn't have sex with anyone while I was away and I had lots of chances.
Queenie, should I forgive her? And how can I trust her after this?—Undecided
Dear Undecided,
Apparently you can trust her as long as she stays sober. The question is, can you trust her not to get drunk? More to the point, can you trust her not to drink at all? Because apparently she loses control when she starts drinking.
As for forgiving her, by all means. Forgiveness is a virtue, and is good for one's soul. Whether you should stay with her is another question, which only you can answer. If you have doubts, take a break from the relationship and see how you both feel about it.
Dear Queenie,
When our daughter got divorced she demanded that we not have anything to do with her ex or his family ever again.
We still like her ex and have been friends with his parents since before he and our daughter got married (that's how they met). We don't want to lose these friends just because our daughter went through a bad time with their son. But we don't want to be on the outs with our daughter either.
Queenie, what should we do?—Confused
Dear Confused,
Talk this over with your daughter. Explain your relationship with her former in-laws and try to make her understand that her problems with her ex have nothing to do with it.
If that doesn't work, you will have to choose between your daughter and your friends. Good luck.
