Dear Queenie,
I have been diagnosed with cancer and may have only a few more years to live, if that. I just found out that my mother has been keeping in touch with an old friend of mine and is trying to arrange for him to marry my wife after I die.
Queenie, how can a mother betray her own child like that?—Angry son
Dear Son,
Perhaps she is simply trying to make certain that her daughter-in-law will be well taken care of after (if) you die. As long as she is not trying to arrange for your friend(?) to get together with your wife while you are still alive, give her the benefit of the doubt.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I got married a couple of months ago. We didn’t tell my Dad because we knew he would object and try to stop the wedding.
Now he has found out and he is mad at us. He even asked me if we got married because I am pregnant, which I am not and I told him so, and he said well, then if I could get married I could take care of myself and not bother him anymore.
Queenie, I love my Dad and I don’t want him out of my life. What can I do?—Newlywed
Dear Newlywed,
Your father is hurt because you did not include him in this very special event in your life. He also may be angry because he does not like your new husband for some reason.
Try writing him a letter telling him you still love him and explaining why you did not tell him when you got married. It may not be enough to satisfy him, but it will be a good first step toward reconciliation.
Dear Queenie,
My son and his new wife don’t want me to have anything to do with his first wife now that they are divorced, but she has custody of their children and if I don’t have anything to do with her I don’t get to see my grandchildren.
Queenie, what should I do?—Lonely grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
Your son and his new wife have no right to dictate whom you may or may not have contact with. More especially they have no right to cut you off from your grandchildren – and your grandchildren from you.
And I have to wonder, does your son have no contact with his children? Perhaps when (if) he sees them he could bring them to visit you. If that never happens, by all means arrange to stay in touch with the children, but on occasions when your son and his new wife will not be involved.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend wants us to be together, just us, all the time. He gets mad if I want to just be alone for a while and if I have lunch with a friend instead of coming home to have lunch with him he thinks I must be cheating on him. If we go to visit my family (he doesn’t have any) he sulks while we are there and quarrels with me when we get home because I was visiting with them and not paying enough attention to him.
Queenie, I try to understand that this is partly because he doesn’t know what it’s like to be close to your family but how much togetherness is too much?— Suffocated
Dear Suffocated,
I think you can answer your own question: too much is when you feel smothered.
Your boyfriend is behaving like a clingy child who cries when his mother leaves him in kindergarten for the first time – but the child (usually) learns to get over it and apparently your boyfriend has not.
Two adults in a healthy relationship spend a great deal of time together, but they are not “joined at the hip.”
Even if your boyfriend gets counselling and tries to change (grow up), it will take a long – and I mean looooong – time. I do not recommend waiting around for that to happen.
Dear Queenie,
I have fallen in love with my doctor and I’m due for a check-up soon. Neither of us is married or in a relationship.
Queenie, should I say something to him about it or should I go to another doctor first?—Im-patient
Dear Im-patient,
It would be unethical for any doctor to become involved with a patient.
Make an appointment with another doctor for your check-up and afterward explain to your present doctor why you did so. If he shares your feelings he will be free to say so, and if not, you both will be spared future embarrassment.
