Dear Queenie,
I’m married with a young son, but I feel more like a single mother with 2 children.
My husband got his Bachelor’s degree from a good university, but he has never had a decent job and hasn’t worked at all for the last few years. He doesn’t help around the house or look after our son when school is out and I am still at work, but he is always asking me for money to spend on drinks and lottery tickets which he never wins or to give to his parents who actually make more money than I do.
I would get a divorce, but I worry what would happen to him with no place to live.
Queenie, what is your advice?—Fed-up wife
Dear Wife,
Get the divorce! Your husband is setting a terrible example for your son and you do not want the boy to grow up thinking this is how men are supposed to act.
Hubby can always go to live with his parents if they will have him. If they will not he might just be forced to grow up and act like an adult, in which case you could consider getting back together with him if you are so inclined.
Dear Queenie,
My children are all grown up and out on their own and I hardly ever hear from them, and their father is long gone. I’m not able to work and I don’t have any close friends and I get so lonely!
Queenie, what can I do?—Lonely mother
Dear Mother,
You cannot make your children the centre of your life forever. Would you be able to work part-time? Or do volunteer work or join a service club or a gym or a social group? Or you could sign up for a few classes at your community centre or the university.
Even if it not exactly what you would like, you are almost certain to make some social contacts – even some new friends – that will ease your loneliness.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I both work full-time so we only have weekends off to spend time with our kids. But he goes off playing sports and I have to stay home looking after the kids and when he gets home there are only a few hours left for family time. He’s a good father and all, but I never get any time to myself like he does.
Queenie, shouldn’t I be able to get some time to myself for things I would like to do?—Overworked mother
Dear Mother,
Of course you should. Talk it over with your husband and try to work out a schedule that accommodates you both. If that does not work out, ask him what he would do if you got sick and had to be hospitalised, for example.
Or you could hire someone to look after the children and hand hubby the bill, or arrange to send them to their grandparents for a few hours, if that is feasible.
Dear Queenie,
My parents are divorced and I live with my mother. My Dad got married again and has children with his new wife and I like the children okay but not their mother. She hardly talks to me and I get the idea that she doesn’t want me to see my father at all.
Queenie, how can Mom and I make things better?—Teenage daughter
Dear Daughter,
Talk to your father about this. Only he can make things better, if he will try. If he cannot, or will not try, you will just have to make the best of a bad situation.
Dear Queenie,
My sister and I were very close growing up and stayed that way after I got married – until I caught her and my husband in bed together. I haven’t spoken to her since then and my husband and I got divorced.
Ever since then my mother has been after me to forgive her and forget what happened, but I just can’t. She ruined my marriage!
Queenie, is my mother right?—Still angry
Dear Still angry,
If your husband had not cheated on you with your sister, it probably would have been (or was!) with some other woman. You have every right to be angry with your sister, but holding a grudge tends to be self-destructive.
Try to forgive your sister and at least be on civil terms with her. Forgetting is another matter, but try not to dwell on the memory.
