Dear Queenie,
My big brother used to molest me when I was little. When my parents finally found out they tried to defend him and insisted that now he is grown up he will never do anything like that again.
Now he is married and I am afraid if they have children he will molest them like he did me. My parents don’t want me to say anything to his wife for fear of breaking up their marriage.
Queenie, what should I do?—Brother’s victim
Dear Victim,
By all means tell your sister-in-law before they have children. She should know what kind of protection her children will require. And perhaps fear of losing his wife will persuade your brother to get professional counselling to try to overcome, or at least learn to control, his base impulses.
Dear Queenie,
I’m still in high school but I’m pregnant. My mother doesn’t want me to have anything more to do with the baby’s father because she thinks he treated me badly and she’s afraid he will do the same to the baby. She also thinks he will just walk out on me sooner or later, because he is also in high school and probably will be going away to college.
She also doesn’t want me to have anything to do with his parents because that will keep me in touch with him.
Queenie, is she right?—Teenage mother
Dear Teenager,
When you say your baby’s father treated you badly, do you mean he abused you, either physically or emotionally? If so, your mother is right to keep you away from him and as your baby’s mother it will be up to you to protect your child.
As for your baby-daddy’s parents, whether you let them see their grandchild depends on how they treat you and the baby. If they are abusive like their son, keep away from them, but if they treat you and the baby well visit them, or let them visit you, under circumstances that do not include their son.
Dear Queenie,
My son’s in-laws babysit for his children all the time, but he and his wife never ask me to babysit, even though I have offered many times.
I asked my son why they were playing favourites and he explained that his wife doesn’t want me around the children because I smoke.
Queenie, I want to be close to my grandchildren. What can I do?—Lonely Grandma
Dear Grandma,
Stop smoking!
It is well known that smoking is bad for one’s health, and “second-hand” smoke is equally bad for everyone around the smoker. Your daughter-in=law is protecting her children from the possible ill effects on them of your bad habit. So what is more important to you, your cigarettes or your grandchildren?
Dear Queenie,
My uncle sent me a generous check for a birthday present, but my dog chewed it up before I could cash it. I told my uncle what happened and he said he would send another check, but he never did.
Queenie, do I still have to send him a thank you note?—Birthday girl
Dear Birthday girl,
Until it is cashed a check is just a piece of paper and your uncle knows you received the original so I do not think you owe him anything more for that.
However, he may have sent a replacement that you never received, so it might be a good idea to ask him about it. If he did, he should know you never received it and if he meant to but did not, the inquiry would serve as a reminder. But beyond that, do not press the issue.
Dear Queenie,
I‘ve been dating this cute guy casually for some time, nothing serious, and he has made it clear that he is not interested in a serious relationship. However, I have developed very strong feelings for him and would like to take this further.
Queenie, should I tell him how I feel before he gets interested in someone else?—Head-Over-Heels In Love
Dear In Love,
Tell him how you feel, but do not demand anything from him in return. Then, if he does not run for cover, you will have to decide whether you want to continue seeing him on his terms, hoping he will reciprocate your feelings and taking the risk of having to watch him fall in love with someone else.
