Dear Queenie,
When I was a teenager my cousin raped me. I have managed to get over it, but I have had nothing to do with him ever since and when my mother died I made it known that I did not want him to come to the funeral although the rest of his family was welcome. Now his sister is furious at me.
Queenie, was I wrong to exclude him?—Rape victim
Dear Victim,
Funerals are for the sake of the survivors and you had every good reason to exclude someone whose presence would have upset you.
However, I have to ask: Does your rapist’s sister know why you do not want to have anything to do with her brother? If not, you should tell her (or have some neutral third party do so). He might be a danger to her teenage daughters if she has any.
