Dear Queenie,
My mother always wants to be the centre of attention and gets mad if she thinks everybody is not focusing on her. Then she throws a fit and accuses everyone of ignoring her.
We have tried to protect our children from her behaviour while being careful not to influence them against her.
Now she has taken to posting blogs on the Internet criticizing her family, including our children and their cousins.
Queenie, the adults are used to her behaviour and can ignore all this, but what if the children see it?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
Try to explain to your children that their grandmother has always been like this, which is why you have had so little to do with her. Also explain to them that she does not seem capable of seeing things from any point of view but her own and this makes her very self-centred and sometimes very unkind.
Hopefully your children will never see their grandmother’s Internet blogs, but if they do, you will have prepared them for what they will see and hopefully to be able to ignore it.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter has been married for more than 15 years and for all that time her husband has been cheating on her and for most of the time she has known about it but she stuck with him for the children’s sake. Now that they are teenagers she is thinking about getting a divorce.
Queenie, if she asks for my opinion or advice, what should I tell her?—Unhappy mother
Dear Mother,
Your son-in-law is not likely to change his cheating ways under threat of divorce. If anything, it will encourage him to do even worse than he has in the past.
Let your daughter know that you will support whatever decision she makes and that you will be there for her if she needs you.
And if/when she decides on divorce, encourage her to find a good lawyer to represent her and make sure she gets whatever she is entitled to in the way of alimony, custody of the children and child support.
Dear Queenie,
I found out that my husband was having an affair with my own sister and now we are getting a divorce.
My sister wants me to promise not to tell anyone the reason for our divorce because that would probably result in divorce for her too and problems for her young children. Except for cheating on her husband she is a good mother to her children.
Queenie, should I promise?—Angry wife
Dear Wife,
What is to be gained by telling except punishing your sister, which would also mean punishing her innocent children? Hold your tongue.
However, your sister should remember that this is a small island and secrets are hard to keep. Someone else may also know about her affair with your soon-to-be-ex-husband and her indiscretion will no longer be a secret.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter is too fat and needs to lose some weight. My husband and his mother are always after her about exercising and going on a diet. I know they are worried about her health, but I find their constant criticism discouraging and so does their target, my daughter. Maybe if they would leave her alone about it she would listen to her doctor and lose some weight.
Queenie, what can I do about all this?—Fat girl’s mom
Dear Mom,
Try to teach your daughter how to cope with all the criticism she gets from her father and grandmother. And suggest to all the critics that all their criticism is stressing their target out and making the problem worse, not better.
Maybe if they would let up on her, she would find the strength – and energy! – to watch her diet, do some exercising and lose some weight.
Dear Queenie,
My grandchildren (cousins) are a boy and a girl about the same age – second- and third-graders. When they are together their parents let them run around naked, give them baths together and so on.
Queenie, is this all right?—Worried grandmother
Dear Grandmother,
No, this is not appropriate. Tell the parents it is time to start teaching their children to respect their bodies and have some sense of privacy. This should have been done long before the children were of school age, and certainly must be done long before they start hitting puberty.
