Dear Queenie,
My mother is getting old and needs someone to look after her all the time. I have been doing it all by myself because none of my brothers and sisters ever offer to help, even though they all live close by.
Queenie, don’t they care what happens to her, or to me?—Worn out daughter

Dear Daughter,
Have you talked to your brothers and sisters about this? Have you explained to them just how much care your mother needs and asked them to help out? They are not mind-readers, you know.
Tell them what you have to do for your mother and ask them to help you. If necessary, make up a schedule for them, with a description of what they will have to do for your mother on “their” days. And if they still do not “step up to the plate”, look into whatever kind of elder-care services are available in your community.
It will not do your mother any good if you wear yourself out to the point where you are not able to give her the care she needs.

Dear Queenie,
My husband always said he wanted children, but once we had a child, a boy, he never spent any time with him. If I needed to go out he would have his parents come over and then he would go out, sometimes with his father too, and leave them or just Grandma to babysit.
Since our son got older my husband makes him do a lot of chores and he is always ready to tell our son what he has done wrong, but never says anything about what he has done right.
Now that our son is a teenager he can’t get along with his father at all, all they do is argue.
Queenie, I don’t want my son to grow up to be like his father. What can I do?—Worried mother

Dear Mother,
Your husband apparently does not know how to treat a child. He would benefit from professional counselling if you can persuade him to get it. In fact, all of you would benefit from counselling, separately and together.
You should also talk to a lawyer to learn what your legal options are.

Dear Queenie,
My niece is getting married in a place far away from where I live. It would cost a lot for me to attend, plus all the problems the pandemic is causing, so I won’t go, but do I still have to send a gift and, if so, what kind of gift should I send?
Queenie, does it have to be a very expensive one to make up for all I won’t have to spend on travelling?—Wedding gift Etty Ket

Dear Etty Ket,
According to etiquette, the amount you spend on a wedding gift is not related to the amount you spend or do not spend on attending or not attending the wedding.
Give your niece what you can afford to give her, and let her know how much you regret not being able to be present to see her get married.

Dear Queenie,
I’m 27 years old, have finished university with a Master’s degree, and I have a good job, but I am still living with my parents.
They still treat me like a child, they don’t want me to stay out late, they listen in on my phone calls and open my mail and insist on me showing them my financial information – my salary slips and my bank statements.
I could afford to move into a place of my own, but my parents forbid me to do so because they say it will cause shame and embarrassment for the family. They say I have to stay with them until I get married, but with the way my parents treat me, how can I ever meet someone and get to know them and fall in love with them so much that I want to marry them?
Queenie, how can I keep my parents happy and still live like a grown-up person?—Adult child

Dear Adult child,
It seems you will have to choose which is more important to you – keeping your parents happy or living like a grown-up person.
As usual, I recommend professional counselling, for yourself and, if you can persuade them to go, for your parents as well. If they are very religious, perhaps their pastor can intervene on your behalf.