Dear Queenie,
My husband's sister likes to entertain the whole family on every occasion. My problem is the way she does it.
The TV is on the whole time, so loud you can't hold a decent conversation without shouting over it and then someone will try to hush you up so they can hear the TV. Children are not welcome at the table, but have their own table in the kitchen and when they're done eating they have to go play in a bedroom. They can't even watch TV with the grownups. And the meal starts at 6:00pm sharp even if not everyone has arrived yet, and ends as soon as the hostess is done eating, after which you are expected to leave. And if I bring anything to eat as a hostess gift she hands it back to me when we leave.
Queenie, should I try to plan a party for them to show them how it should be done or would that just make them mad at me?—Disgusted
Dear Disgusted,
Obviously opinions differ as to how entertaining "should be done."
By all means plan your own event, but be sure to omit any sort of judgmental attitude. If you receive any comments about your different style of entertaining, just tell them, "This is the way we do it in my family," and let them draw their own conclusions.
If they learn from your example, fine. If not, that is their problem; do not make it yours.
Dear Queenie,
My boss is quite well-off, maybe you’d even call him rich. The problem is he’s always telling me about the things he has and how much they cost and the things he’s going to get and how much he’s going to spend on them – as if I care! To hear him tell, he spends more in a single month than he pays me for the whole year.
Queenie, how can I shut him up without losing my job?—Fed up
Dear Fed up,
Tell him it is just amazing how much things cost these days and ask him for a raise.
Dear Queenie,
My mother and I were very close when I was little and it was just the 2 of us. But now I’ve grown up, gone away to college, got married and have my own life away from her and things aren’t so good between us.
The problem is that she doesn’t have any good relationships with anyone else and the older I get the more I realise that it’s because she always blames them for being mean to her when the truth is she gets offended at the littlest things, but has no consideration for how others may feel.
Queenie, is there anything I can do to help her see the truth?—Grown up son
Dear Grown up son,
Your mother may have medical problems of which she may or may not be aware, and she also may be suffering from depression.
The first things she need is a complete medical check-up, especially if she has not had one recently, and you might want to inform the doctor ahead of time about her attitude and behaviour.
The doctor then might prescribe appropriate medication and, if indicated, psychological counselling, and hopefully your mother will follow through on his (or her) recommendations.
Dear Queenie,
My boss is quite well-off, maybe you’d even call him rich. The problem is he’s always telling me about the things he has and how much they cost and the things he’s going to get and how much he’s going to spend on them – as if I care! To hear him tell, he spends more in a single month than he pays me for the whole year.
Queenie, how can I shut him up without losing my job?—Fed up
Dear Fed up,
Tell him it is just amazing how much things cost these days and ask him for a raise.
Dear Queenie,
My mother and I were very close when I was little and it was just the 2 of us. But now I’ve grown up, gone away to college, got married and have my own life away from her and things aren’t so good between us.
The problem is that she doesn’t have any good relationships with anyone else and the older I get the more I realise that it’s because she always blames them for being mean to her when the truth is she gets offended at the littlest things, but has no consideration for how others may feel.
Queenie, is there anything I can do to help her see the truth?—Grown up son
Dear Grown up son,
Your mother may have medical problems of which she may or may not be aware, and she also may be suffering from depression.
The first things she need is a complete medical check-up, especially if she has not had one recently, and you might want to inform the doctor ahead of time about her attitude and behaviour.
The doctor then might prescribe appropriate medication and, if indicated, psychological counselling, and hopefully your mother will follow through on his (or her) recommendations.
