Dear Queenie,
I’m so jealous of my best friend that I’m just about ready to end our friendship. Everything we do she does better than me. She’s better at sports, she gets better grades, she has all the boys chasing after her.
She doesn’t seem to notice all this, but it’s really getting to me.
Queenie, how do I get over it?—Green-eyed monster
Dear Green-eyes,
To begin with, stop comparing yourself to your friend. The way you talk, you only seem to notice the things that make you jealous. Does it also bother you that she is taller (or shorter) than you are, for example?
Next, find activities for yourself in which your friend does not participate. Then there will be no comparison.
Finally, instead of spending so much energy worrying about how much better she is at anything, work on improving your own performance and if it something at which your friend excels, try asking her to help you in doing so. If she really is your friend, she will be happy to pitch in.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend often picks up his food with his fingers instead of using a fork, or if he uses a fork he will use his fingers to push the food onto his fork instead of using a knife or a piece of bread, and then he will lick his fingers instead of using a napkin.
I know this is how he was brought up, because I have seen his parents eat the same way, but I find it gross and I worry about how it will affect him socially when he does it in public.
Queenie, how can I teach him to do better?—Embarrassed
Dear Embarrassed,
Be honest with him (gently, tactfully, please) and offer to teach him how these things are done in our society. I just hope he will be willing to work with you on this.
Dear Queenie,
I met this guy at a bar and he asked me out on a date, but it turned out awful. He wouldn’t look straight at me and we had nothing to say to each other. A friend of mine had a similar experience – a guy she met at a party took her out to dinner at Subway, for Pete’s sake! How cheap can you get?
Queenie, what’s wrong with guys these days?—Unimpressed
Dear Unimpressed,
More to the point, what is wrong with your expectations of the guys and the guys’ expectations of you?
To avoid such situations, get to know a potential date better in a group setting such as a party or a double- or triple-date before going out with him one-on-one.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine has a boyfriend who never lets her answer a question. He always jumps in and answers for her before she has a chance to say anything even if he really doesn’t know anything about the subject and usually he first will ask, “Why do you ask?”
Queenie, what’s wrong here? And why does she let him get away with it?—Disgusted
Dear Disgusted,
Maybe she puts up with it because she loves him. Maybe she just does not notice, or if she does notice she does not care enough to make an issue of it.
However, this could be a symptom of a controlling or even abusive personality, so keep in close touch with your friend and make sure she knows you are there for her if she needs you.
Dear Queenie,
Now that our parents have died us kids are going to sell the family home because we all have our own homes by now. The problem is, what do we do with all the stuff in our parents’ home that we hate to dispose of because it all has sentimental value for us?
Queenie, do you have any suggestions?—Hung up on the past
Dear Hung up,
You could put it all in storage and let it pile up dust and storage bills.
Or you could hold a yard sale and get whatever you can for it.
Or you could donate it to a worthy organisation like the Red Cross or the Salvation Army for the benefit of the needy, in your parents’ honour.
And, to hang on to your memories, before emptying out the old homestead, take lots of photos of all the stuff in its original place, with copies for everyone who wants them. That way, memories are preserved with no arguments about who gets what, no clutter to worry about and no exorbitant storage bills.
