Dear Queenie,
My husband never remembers anything I tell him. If I ask him to pick up something on his way home from work he will forget about it, even if I call him and remind him around the time he is getting ready to come home. It’s a wonder to me he even remembers where he lives!
But he never forgets to meet his friends for a ball game or when it’s time to turn on the TV to watch some kind of sports.
Queenie, what’s going on here – and what can I do about it?—Fed up
Dear Fed up,
This is the information age and there is so much of it that it is easy to lose track of a lot of it. People tend to remember what is important to them, sometimes at the expense of what does not really interest them.
However, if your husband “forgets” in spite of your timely reminders, it may be that he just doesn’t listen to you carefully. Have you talked to him about this? If not, do so.
And if he still forgets to pick things up when you ask him to, let him suffer the consequences – for example, if you ask him to pick up the dry cleaning and he forgets, let him do without clean clothes, or if he forgets to pick up something you need to prepare his supper, let him go hungry or order (and pay for) a fast-food delivery.
When forgetting “hurts” he will learn to remember.
Dear Queenie,
I got divorced recently and all my family and friends say I shouldn’t be alone and they keep trying to fix me up with dates.
Queenie, how long should a person wait to start dating after they get divorced?—Divorce Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
There is no “proper” time to wait before getting back on the dating scene after a divorce. The whole process can be traumatic, more so for some than for others, and how it affects you is a personal matter.
The answer to your question is “until you feel comfortable with the idea.” And until then, the answer to your well-meaning friends and relatives is “I am not ready yet.”
Dear Queenie,
Someone I know who is expecting a baby is having four different baby showers held for her.
Queenie, isn’t that a bit too much?—Just wondering
Dear Wondering,
Well, it all depends.
If the same people are invited to more than one shower, that seems just plain gift-greedy.
If each shower has a different guest list, I have to wonder whether she really has so many close friends and relatives, or if the hosts are just inviting everyone they can think of who might ever have met the mother-to-be, which again seems just plain gift-greedy.
Whatever the case, if you have been invited to more than one such event, feel free to accept one invitation and decline the rest – without comment, please, unless you want to start an argument.
Dear Queenie,
I have watched my daughter playing with other children and I notice that she doesn’t stand up for herself when some of them say mean things or even physically push her around. When I asked her why she puts up with that stuff she said she wants them to like her and doesn’t want to hurt their feelings.
Queenie, what should I do? Should I intervene when I see this happen or should I tell her to stand up for herself or should I just stay out of it?—Worried mother
Dear Mother,
Do not intervene. If you do, things will just get worse when you are not around.
However, you should tell your daughter not to accept such abuse in silence. She should feel free to protest when someone abuses her, without worrying about their feelings. After all, they are not showing any concern for how she feels, except to make her feel bad, and so they do not deserve any consideration from her.
Also, you should encourage her to find other, more congenial playmates, and help her to do so.
Dear Queenie,
I let my boyfriend take some “bedroom” photos of me and then I found out he showed them to some of his friends. When I complained that the photos were supposed to be private between just the two of us he didn’t understand why I was so upset.
Queenie, what’s the matter with him? Why are men so stupid?—Embarrassed
Dear Embarrassed,
Many men just love to brag about their conquests and the photos were proof that he was not making it up.
As for men being so stupid, well, how smart was it to let him take those photos in the first place, and to let him keep charge of them in the second place? “Secrets” have a way of getting out as soon as more than one person knows them. I hope you have learned a lesson from all this.
Finally, if your boyfriend cannot or refuses to understand why you were so upset about what he did, you should seriously consider whether you want to continue a relationship with someone so indifferent to your feelings.
