Dear Queenie,
My wife is very ill and our friends call her often to ask how she is doing and what they can do to help. The thing is, this is all very hard for me too and no one ever bothers to ask how I am doing.
Queenie, don’t they care about me too?—Stressed out husband
Dear Stressed out,
People tend to focus on the obvious in such cases. If you seem to be holding up alright it just does not occur to them that you too need their support.
If your wife is up to it, when they ask her what they can do to help, she could refer them to you, or at least include in her reply that you too could use their help and suggest that they ask you.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine just told me she is pregnant. I didn’t even know she was seeing anyone.
Queenie, how can I find out who the father is without being rude?—Terribly curious
Dear Curious,
You can just wait for her to tell you.
Or, the next time she says anything about her pregnancy you can ask.
Or, you can wait until the baby is born and see whether the father shows up – and if he does not, then ask about him.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been together for a few months now, and within those few months I've done something terribly bad. Of course I told him the truth and he got upset. He forgave me after some time and told me to forget about it. But it’s been two months since the mistake I’ve done, and he hasn’t spoken a word to me in about three weeks.
Queenie, should I be worried?—Island Kid
Dear Island Kid,
Yes, you should be plenty worried. Apparently your boyfriend is not able to be as forgiving as you wish.
And I hope you have learned a lesson regarding whatever the “mistake” was that you made.
Dear Queenie,
When I was a child my uncle molested me. I told my parents about it and they kept me away from him, but they didn’t do anything else about it.
Now I am grown up and have children of my own and I won’t let them be anywhere around him. My parents think I am overreacting because my children are still younger than I was when he molested me and besides it was so long ago and he is so much older now.
Queenie, are they right or am I right to be careful around him?—Worried mother
Dear Worried,
They are wrong. You are right. Molesters do not “outgrow” their abusive tendencies.
You do not have to make a big fuss about it, but do not ever let your children be alone with him. And do not leave your children with your parents either if you are not certain they will be careful and will protect them from him.
Dear Queenie,
I work full time and my wife stays home. We don’t have any children. She takes care of the house and cooks and does a lot of volunteer work in her free time.
The problem is that the only free time I have to run errands or do other things is the weekends and I’d like to have my wife go with me, but she would rather do her own things.
Queenie, how can I get her to spend more time with me?—Neglected husband
Dear Neglected,
Your wife can run her errands during the week and does not find such activities entertaining on her “days off.” Can you compromise by running your errands on Saturdays and finding activities to share with her on Sundays?
