Dear Queenie,
Recently my young adult daughter found herself in a predicament. After a falling out with a male friend, he decided to be vindictive. He organised a meeting between a clique of about six so-called friends and spilled everything that was said about them, turning everyone against her. He then filed a harassment complaint against her with the detectives. Not enough for him, he went to her boss and spilled the story to him. On social media she was referred to as Crazy, Disillusion, Liar and Psychotic.
Then this same young man visited my workplace claiming he was there to apologise. He said he was being dishonest about some things and would like to meet with my family to apologise. By the Grace of God in me, I have the surveillance tape with audio from my job, which I already requested, and I am thinking of sending it to her lawyer, the detectives, her boss and then the clique of friends. His actions caused severe emotional stress for her and myself.
Queenie, would that make me an unfair and unforgiving mother?—Too Considerate mother
Dear Too Considerate mother,
It might make you unforgiving, but not at all unfair.
As you describe it, this man’s behaviour was unforgivable. It may even have been punishable under the law. Your daughter’s lawyer can tell you what legal redress is available to you and the tape should be proof enough of his actions and behaviour.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been together for several years but every time I want to talk to him about getting married and starting a family he changes the subject.
Queenie, I can’t wait forever. What do you suggest?—Lady-in-waiting
Dear Lady,
You will have to resign yourself to the status quo or give him a deadline for marriage – and mean it. So if it is the latter, be prepared to walk out (or kick him out) and find someone else if he does not come through for you.
Dear Queenie,
Whenever my husband and I are out in public he can’t help staring at other women. Sometimes he even comments to me about their looks.
Queenie, whatever happened to “forsaking all others”?—Jealous wife
Dear Jealous,
It is perfectly normal for men – and women – to notice attractive members of the opposite sex other than their spouse. As long as they do not act on what they see, they have not broken their marriage vows.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been divorced for years and my children’s father has never been very much involved with them since he got married again and started a new family. When they visited his house all they did was sit around watching TV while he pretty much ignored them.
Now he’s divorced again and they are teenagers and they don’t want to ever go visit his house at all because there is nothing for them to do there. I hate forcing them to do something they don’t want to, but I need some alone time, which I only get when they are with him (or at least at his house).
Queenie, is it wrong to make them go?—Stressed out
Dear Stressed out,
You are lucky to be on such good terms with your children that they want to stay with you. Usually teenagers cannot wait to get out of their house.
Surely they can find something to do while they are at their father’s house – watch TV, play video games, go to the movies or a sporting event with him, whatever. Remind them that it is important that they have some kind of relationship with him, even if it is not exactly what the kind they would want.
And if you still need more alone time, maybe you could treat them to a trip to the movies or a sporting event, or get them involved in some teenagers service group or other volunteer work.
Dear Queenie,
I was dating a girl for a while and then we broke up. The problem is she talks about everything online and since we broke up she is saying nasty – untrue – things about me for everyone to see.
Queenie, is there any way I can get her to stop or get what she says deleted?—Ex-boyfriend
Dear Ex-boyfriend,
Once something gets into cyberspace it is almost impossible to be sure it has been deleted completely, if at all. However, what this girl says about you tells people as much, or more, about her as about you. It is too bad cyber-yakkers do not put their brains in gear before they start typing.
