Dear Queenie,
How do you respond to someone who calls you on the phone and says, “Hello, it’s me,” when you don’t recognise their voice?—At a loss
Dear At a loss,
If you have caller ID on your phone, that should tell you who is calling (assuming they are calling from their own telephone). If not, you can continue the conversation and hope the caller will give you a clue to his or her identity. Or you can respond, “Which ‘me’? I know so many people with that name.”
Dear Queenie,
I have a degree in nursing and work at it full time. It is a rewarding career, but exhausting.
The problem is my elderly parents. They both have minor health issues and are constantly calling me to come over and help them. Actually there is nothing wrong with them that they couldn’t take care of themselves just by taking their prescribed medicine and obeying their doctor’s orders.
Queenie, I hate to let my parents down, but it’s more than I can take. How do I say “no” to them?—Overworked daughter
Dear Overworked,
It may be that your elderly parents’ faculties are diminishing with age and they are overwhelmed by their medical issues, minor as they may be, and the fact that they are growing older.
Contact the White and Yellow Cross (whiteyellowcross.org) to find out what assistance is available for senior citizens and make the necessary arrangements to get your parents the help they need from the district nurse.
Dear Queenie,
My husband never remembers anything I tell him. If I ask him to pick up something on his way home from work he will forget about it, even if I call him and remind him around the time he is getting ready to come home. It’s a wonder to me he even remembers where he lives!
But he never forgets to meet his friends for a ball game or when it’s time to turn on the TV to watch some kind of sports.
Queenie, what’s going on here – and what can I do about it?—Fed up
Dear Fed up,
This is the information age and there is so much of it that it is easy to lose track of a lot of it. People tend to remember what is important to them, sometimes at the expense of what does not really interest them.
However, if your husband “forgets” in spite of your timely reminders, it may be that he just doesn’t listen to you carefully. Have you talked to him about this? If not, do so.
And if he still forgets to pick things up when you ask him to, let him suffer the consequences – for example, if you ask him to pick up the dry cleaning and he forgets, let him do without clean clothes, or if he forgets to pick up something you need to prepare his supper, let him go hungry or order (and pay for) a fast-food delivery.
When forgetting “hurts” he will learn to remember.
Dear Queenie,
When my daughter came home on vacation she was practically bald because she had cut off all her beautiful hair to donate it to Locks of Love.
Queenie, I’m proud of her for making this sacrifice, but what can I say to people who ask me why she looks so funny, does she have cancer or something?—Embarrassed mother
Dear Embarrassed,
I see no reason for you to be embarrassed. Just tell people what you have told me – that your daughter contributed her hair to a worthy cause and that you are proud of her for doing so.
Dear Queenie,
I got divorced recently and all my family and friends say I shouldn’t be alone and they keep trying to fix me up with dates.
Queenie, how long should a person wait to start dating after they get divorced?—Divorce Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
There is no “proper” time to wait before getting back on the dating scene after a divorce. The whole process can be traumatic, more so for some than for others, and how it affects you is a personal matter.
The answer to your question is “until you feel comfortable with the idea.” And until then, the answer to your well-meaning friends and relatives is “I am not ready yet.”
