Dear Queenie,
There is a group of kids my son plays with that all except my son were invited to a birthday party by one of them.
Queenie, what can I say to make my son feel better?
—Sad dad
Dear Dad,
Did the children receive written invitations? If so, is it possible that your son’s invitation got lost somehow? If you are on good terms with the other child’s parents, you could ask them about it. If your son was deliberately left out, you might ask yourself “why?” Does he play too roughly or rudely with other children? Is he a bully? On the other hand, if it was just a matter of the other child not liking your son, well, you will have to explain to him that sometimes there are disappointments in life and he will have to learn to cope with them. You might also plan something else special for him on the day of the party, to take his mind off it.
Dear Queenie,
Our daughter-in-law is just too rude. When we visit them she will eat and drink in front of us but she never offers us anything to eat or drink. When they visit us she sits and watches TV or reads a book and never once tries to help out with the housework or the cooking or cleaning up afterward.
I don’t want to make a fuss about all this because I’m afraid she will cut us off from seeing our grandchildren, but it’s just too disgusting.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Angry mother-in-law
Dear Mother-in-law,
It is possible your daughter-in-law was raised in a family where everyone spoke out clearly when they wanted something – food, beverage, help of any kind – and because you do not speak up she assumes you are happy with the way things are. And is it also possible that you were raised to wait for such to be offered rather than to ask for what you want?
If that is what is happening here, you have a serious case of “culture clash” and will have to find a way to resolve it. None of you are mind-readers, of course, so someone will have to learn to speak up, and how and when to do so without offending the others.
I suggest you talk this over with your son in private and give him a chance to discuss this with his wife and then work out with her and with you – probably separately – how you all can learn to communicate with each other better.
Dear Queenie,
My wife likes to lie on the floor when she is watching TV or just cooling out. She says it is cool and hard and soothing to her back.
We have perfectly nice expensive furniture she could use and it would be embarrassing if someone dropped in and found her like that. They might even think she was sick or something and call 911.
Queenie, what can I do to convince her to behave better?—Worried husband
Dear Worried,
What can I do to convince you to listen to your wife and have more consideration for her feelings?
If she is more comfortable on the floor perhaps it is because she has problems with her back and your expensive furniture is too soft and does not give her the support her back requires. A visit to your family doctor or a chiropractor might be in order.
Dear Queenie,
Some of my relatives are very much overweight – I mean FAT FAT FAT! It has happened that when they visited us the chairs they sat on were damaged so badly they had to be repaired or even replaced, but they never seem to notice, let alone offer to pay for the damage (the chairs weren’t cheap ones!). They could even get hurt if a chair collapsed under their weight.
Queenie, how do we protect them and our furniture without offending them?—Worried hostess
Dear Hostess,
I suggest you invest in some extra-sturdy chairs for these people to use when they visit you. Tell them you bought the chairs especially for them so they would be as comfortable as possible.
If they catch on to what you really mean and get vexed, that is their problem, not yours. It is only good manners to cater to your guests’ special needs and if they do not like having attention drawn to their “special need” perhaps they should try to do something about it (if they can – it could be a symptom of some medical problem you do not know about. But as I said ...).
Dear Queenie,
My daughter is in high school and she has a lot of friends and a busy social life, but her grades are terrible. I have tried to talk to her about this, but she insists that as long as she is passing her courses the actual grades don’t matter. I also have reason to believe that she has been passing her tests by cheating.
The only test she seems to care about is the test for her driver’s licence.
Queenie, how can I get through to her?—Worried dad
Dear Worried dad,
To start with, you can tell your daughter that you will not let her take the driving test until her grades improve. You also might check with your insurance company to find out whether your daughter’s grades will affect her (your) insurance rates.
Also, make it clear to her that once she is out of school she is on her own financially and ask her how she intends to support herself. Then make an appointment with a college admissions office and/or an employment office and have the interviewer explain to her what kind of job she can expect to get with that kind of grade record.
Finally, you might want to have her tested for a possible learning disability.
