Dear Queenie,
I am originally from the Dominican Republic, but I have a Dutch passport and I’ve been living in St. Maarten since I was 2.
I spoke Spanish before I ever learnt English when I was 3½. Now I speak it with my family, Spanish friends and I’m studying it on a CXC level because I simply see it as an asset and something that keeps me as close to my birth country as possible.
My problem is that my mother has gotten herself a boyfriend, which usually wouldn’t be a problem with me. However, he’s been giving me a pissy attitude lately. First, it started with simple things, but now, he’s been getting mad at me for speaking to my mother or sister in Spanish while he’s around.
I understand that some people don’t like it when other people speak a foreign language in their presence, so I always speak in English when I am directly speaking to him or speaking about something meaningless. On the other hand, I always talk to my mother or sister in Spanish when I talk to them about personal matters or other things like my school grades and whenever I have questions for THEM.
He’s gotten so pissy at me that he’s told me to leave whichever house we’re in multiple times.
Queenie, I feel like his pissy attitude is partly my fault, but do I just ignore it or tell how I feel about him denying me my mother language? Should I adapt myself to English alone, even if I don’t want to?—Conflicted daughter
Dear Daughter,
It is rude of you to speak to others in Spanish in this man’s presence – unless they do not understand English, in which case you should immediately explain to him what is being said. And yes, his “pissy” attitude is entirely your fault.
When you speak Spanish your mother’s boyfriend obviously has no way of knowing what you are saying – whether it has nothing to do with him or you are saying nasty things about him right to his face, knowing that he does not understand what you are saying. He is not trying to deny you your mother language, he is just asking that you not use it in his presence.
So save the conversations about things that do not concern him for times when he is not present and have the good manners to speak English in his presence.
Look at it this way: How would you like it if some of your local friends started chattering away in Dutch or Arabic or Hindi or Hebrew (all of which are languages common to St. Maarten’s multi-ethnic society) when you were with them? Would you not feel left out of the conversation? Would you not wonder what they might be talking about, what they might be saying about you? And would you not be pissed off at being disrespected that way?
