Dear Queenie,

I am a 21-year-old woman. I’ve been going with this man who is 12 years older than me for the past 5 years. He lives with his girlfriend for the past six, and during that time he got her pregnant and they have two children together.

His girlfriend knows about me, she even moved out, but then came back.

My boyfriend wants me to have a child for him, but I refuse, because I don’t want my child to have a bunch of brothers and sisters from daddy’s different women. He tells me that I’m selfish.

Now I am getting tired of the situation. I can’t really depend on him and I see that I’m getting old with him and we are not moving anywhere and he is the only one benefiting from the situation (you know, two women at the same time) and I’m tired and sick of it, but yet I love him.

Queenie, what to do? Please help me please?—Desperate Mate

Dear Desperate Mate,

What to do? Wake up smell the coffee!

You admit that you don’t like the situation and your boyfriend is the only one benefiting from it. You say he start seeing you when you were 16 and he was already living with another woman. The only smart thing you have done is refuse to let him get you pregnant.

While he was living with another woman he cheated on her with you. You can be sure he will treat you the same way if you stick with him.

You are not old yet by any means and you do not have any children to tie you down. You have every opportunity to further your education and get a good job so you can support yourself. While you are doing so, you can be looking out for a good man who will not cheat on you or give your children a flock of half-brothers and -sisters.

Face it, my dear, you tied yourself down with this heel when you were still a child and have never given yourself a chance to fall in love with a good man who would treat you the way you have a right to expect!

Dear Queenie,

Hello from New York City. I returned from 3 wonderful weeks in St. Maarten; I'm a time share owner.

Every day on the island I read The Daily Herald and was moved by the discourse that arose after a student wrote to you and you chastised her for her poor language skills.

Unfortunately, I threw the paper out. I wanted to save it to use with my journalism class in a New York City high school.

Would you please send me a copy of the original “Dear Queenie” that was published.

Thank you, Queenie, and keep up the good advice to all, young and old alike.—US high school teacher

Dear Teacher,

I am arranging for you to receive a copy of that column. I hope your students find it edifying.

Thank you for your encouragement. Sometimes I feel like a voice crying in the wilderness when it comes to communication skills.

Dear Queenie,

I’m getting on in years and I’m worried about what will become of some of my things when I die.

There are some lovely family heirlooms that I’m afraid my children will fight over because some of them are rather valuable (jewelry and such) and they only care about what they are worth in cash, and I’d rather give them to one of my granddaughters who has a real sense of family and will cherish them for the family history behind them.

Queenie, how can I be sure she gets the things I want her to have?—Grandmother

Dear Grandmother,

One way is to give the things to your granddaughter now, while you are still alive, assuming she is an adult and independent enough to hold on to them in spite of pressure from other members of the family. To avoid such squabbles, try to give each of the others a gift of equal monetary value at the same time.

I believe the law controls part of the distribution of your estate, but at least some of it is subject to your wishes. I suggest you consult an attorney to find out just what your legal position is, and make a will to control distribution of the part you are allowed to bequeath.

Dear Queenie,

What is the matter with today’s teenagers? Don’t they have any manners at all? When I drive my children and their friends places, they never say a word to me. They get into the car and start talking to each other and never even say “Hello” to me, let alone “Thank you for the ride” when they get out.

When they call my children on the phone they ask for the kids and again they never say “Hello” to me or make any conversation. They don’t even say “Please” when they ask for my children.

Queenie, I wouldn’t let my children behave that way! Where are their parents?—Disgusted mother

Dear Disgusted mother,

The problem is not so much the teenagers as it is the parents who don’t teach them good manners and the other adults who let them get away with such rudeness.

When you pick up your children’s friends to take them somewhere, don’t start the car until they have greeted you properly. If they don’t understand what you want of them, explain clearly what kind of greeting you would find acceptable.

Explain also that you expect them to show proper appreciation when they arrive at their destination. A simple “Thank you” should be sufficient, but make it clear to them that if you don’t hear it, they can walk the next time.

Regarding phone manners, it’s entirely possible that their parents don’t even know what good phone manners are; too many adults behave the same way these days, even in a business environment.

When you answer a call from one of these children, insist that they greet you politely before you pass the call to your child. Again, if they don’t understand what you want, explain it to them. “Hello, Mrs. Whatsis. This is So-and-so calling. May I please speak to Whosit?” would be satisfactory.

If they can’t manage to be polite to you, don’t pass on the call. And be sure to explain to your children why they are not receiving calls from their rude friends.