Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine does not discipline her son very much and he has a rude way of speaking and uses a lot of bad words. I do not let my children talk that way and I don’t like for them to hear the way he talks, so I try to keep them from going to their house to play.
But. Queenie, what do I do when she brings him to my house and he acts that way and she doesn’t even try stop him?—Offended
Dear Offended,
You tell the child that in your house you have certain rules of behaviour, explain to him (and to his mother) what the rules are. Make it clear to both of them that when he visits your house you expect him to abide by your rules and if he does not he will not be welcome to visit your home.
Dear Queenie,
A good friend of mine works at the same place as my husband, but one time at a party I heard her tell him she would like to be with him if he wasn’t married. After that I couldn’t stand to be friends with her and when she asked me what had happened I told her what I heard and she claimed it was just that she had had too much to drink and she would never actually do anything like that, but I just can’t forget it,
My husband says he has no interest in her and I believe him, but I still don’t like her anymore.
Queenie, should I just get over it, or do I have a right to dump her as a friend?—Sceptical
Dear Sceptical,
As long as you can trust your husband, get over being angry. But you have every right to distance yourself from this so-called friend.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been dating a very nice man for a couple of years and he even asked me to marry him.
My problem is that he’s been married twice before and I know he cheated on both of his ex-wives.
He swears things are different with me and he would never do that to me, but I can’t help wondering.
Queenie, do you think I can trust him to be faithful?—Doubting Thomasina
Dear Thomasina,
I doubt it. A cheater will say anything to get you to trust him, and he may even mean it when he says it, but when opportunity knocks his old habits are likely to kick in. Date this man if you wish, but do not marry him unless you are prepared to be disappointed.
Dear Queenie,
My best friend is married to a lovely girl and I was the best man at their wedding.
Meanwhile, I was going with a wonderful woman for several years, but then we broke up and I was very much hurt by the breakup.
Come to find out, right after our breakup my ex started going with my best friend and now he has left his wife to be with her. I would like to find a way to give his wife some support and comfort, but being with her just reminds me how badly the whole thing has hurt me.
Queenie, how do I get over all this?—Betrayed
Dear Betrayed,
Keep reminding yourself that your “wonderful woman” had no compunctions about going with a married man and causing the breakup of his marriage, so apparently she is not all that wonderful after all.
Let your friend’s (ex?)-wife know how much pain all this has caused you so she will understand if you cannot bear to spend much time with her.
But would it not serve your best friend and your ex-girlfriend right if you and his ex-wife can manage to find happiness together? Because I rather expect that your friend and your ex will not be any more faithful to each other than they were to his wife and you. (“Oh, what a tangled web …!”)
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been taking the pill since my boyfriend and I started having sex, but it’s getting expensive. I think he should chip in on the cost but I don’t feel right asking him for money.
Queenie, how do I bring it up to him?—Going broke
Dear Going broke,
Does he know you are taking the pill? If not, you should tell him. Either way, just ask him whether he would rather help pay for your contraceptive or pay child support after the baby is born. That should settle the matter quickly.
