Dear Queenie,
My parents broke up a couple of months ago and my mom has been drinking a lot since then.
When she’s not drinking she’s the same as always, but very sad. But when she starts drinking she gets mean. She yells at me and calls me names and forgets things. When she’s drinking she can’t remember what she said before, and the next day she can’t remember what she said when she was drinking, or if she does remember she starts crying and says she didn’t really mean it.
The other night she got mad when I asked her something and she pushed me so hard I fell down.
Queenie, I love my mother, but I’m scared to be with her when she’s drinking. How can I get her to stop?—Teenager
Dear Teenager,
The behaviour you describe is the result of your mother’s drunkenness and it is very destructive for both of you.
Try to talk to her some time when she hasn’t been drinking and tell her what you have told me. You could even clip this column from the newspaper, give it to her, and tell her you are the one who wrote it. Hopefully, when she realises how badly her drinking is affecting you, she will be motivated to stop.
However, if she doesn’t try to stop, or if she tries but can’t, her drinking is probably out of control. In that case, tell your father at once, or your school counsellor or a teacher you trust. You need protection from the destructive effects of your mother’s behaviour and help in coping with this sorry situation.
Dear Queenie,
I am an 18-year-old girl who just finished school and is soon going to Holland.
I am not a type that falls in love or had previous relationships, but it happens to be that I am really interested in a young fella and he is interested in me.
The problem is that my parents always told me that I have to be 21 to have a boyfriend, so in a way I’m confused, because I really like him.
Queenie, I don’t want to have a relationship behind my parents’ backs. And because of that I can’t really be open to him. I tend to be real shy.—Confused
Dear Confused,
It is true that I am opposed to girls starting to date and to have exclusive relationships too young. However, it is unrealistic to expect a girl to wait until she is 21 to start dating and having more than casual acquaintance with boys.
I suggest you talk this problem over with your parents and try to persuade them that you are old enough and responsible enough to be trusted to handle a boy-girl relationship responsibly. Ask them to meet this boy and get acquainted with him.
If they are suitably impressed with him and with your mature handling of the situation, perhaps they will relent on their restrictive attitude.
However, I must point out that a long-distance relationship is difficult to maintain at any age, and particularly when you are so young. So unless this fella is going to Holland too, I suggest you do not get too serious with him before you leave. You will certainly meet many attractive and personable young men in Holland.
Dear Queenie,
I am a 19-year-old girl. I am in love for the first time, but I just met him and I don’t want to tell my parents now, because they already told me any time I meet someone, if I’m not really sure about the relationship don’t tell them.
The problem is now they know it from people and start to cuss me and say that they hear my name all about. Most of the problem is because the person and I don’t share the same faith.
Queenie, could you help-me?—Faithful girl
Dear Faithful girl,
I find it shameful that parents would refuse to take an interest in their daughter’s friendships unless she is serious about the relationship. It is precisely when a girl is unsure of how she feels about a man that she needs their guidance most.
I also find it sad, to say the least, that loving parents would pre-judge their daughter’s boyfriend because he is of a different faith. It is a common problem, but I still find it regrettable.
I hope the reason they are concerned is the problems that might arise between you because of the differences in your backgrounds, and not just a bigoted refusal to accept him because of his different religious beliefs.
I can only suggest that you sit down with them, try to explain how you feel and ask them to get to know your boyfriend before they pass judgement on him. If they are not willing to do so, you will have to be prepared to choose between him and them.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been together since he was 14 and I was 13. He was the first boy I ever slept with.
Now we are 29 and 28. We have 4 children and he also has 4 kids by other women. I want us to get married, but I’m not sure I can trust him. I keep thinking he’s going to cheat again.
Queenie, what do you think?—Undecided
Dear Undecided,
I think he has proven quite thoroughly that he cannot be trusted, and I don’t think going through a marriage ceremony will change him. I think you should see a lawyer to set up child support payments and start looking for another boyfriend – one you can trust.
I also think you are a perfect example of why youngsters should wait to have sex until they are old enough to fully understand the consequences; why, when they do, they should practice safe sex; and why they should not “go steady” – or whatever the current term is – at too young an age.
Incidentally, I note that you say he was the first boy you ever slept with, but you don’t say he is the only one. Could he be wondering if he can trust you?
Dear Queenie,
If someone asks you how you are and you tell them you’re not feeling so well and they ask you what’s wrong with you, or if they come up to you and say you don’t look so good and ask what’s wrong, what’s a good answer to give them?
If you were the one who said you didn’t feel well, are you obliged to give them details if they ask?—Sick of questions
Dear Sick of questions,
Your state of health is your personal business. You are never obliged to tell anyone anything about it you don’t want to discuss. Except your doctor, of course; you should always answer his questions fully and honestly. Otherwise he can’t diagnose and treat your illness properly.
As for anyone else who asks you a personal question, it depends on how polite or rude you want to be to them.
“I’d rather not discuss it” is the politest answer. Or you could answer the question with another question: “Why would you ask me such a personal question?” Or, to be equally rude, “What business is that of yours?” or even “That’s none of your (expletive included, if you want to be really rude!) business.”
