Dear Queenie,
There’s this boy who wants to go out with me, but I think he’s still going out with this other girl. He told me they were finished, but I didn’t believe him. He still asked me out, so I finally went out with him. We’re going for about 6 months now.
I think he doesn’t love me, because he never told it to me. I already told him that I love him and he never even said “I love you” too. So don’t you think that I’m right that he doesn’t love me?
So what do you think, Queenie?—Precious
Dear Precious,
I think you are probably right; he doesn’t love you. Either that, or he has trouble saying the words, as many older men also do.
But that is no reason to stop going out with him. You don’t have to be in love with a person to go out with them, as this boy is probably well aware. You can enjoy a boy’s company even if you are not in love with him.
I also think you are too quick to fall in love. Try to take it more slowly. You will have plenty of time for that when you are older. In the meantime, you should learn to tell the difference between sexual attraction and love. They are not the same thing!
Dear Queenie,
I have seen several articles in the newspapers recently about women victimized and abused by men. Some of them say they have gone to the police, the prosecutor and other authorities for help and got no help, but none of them mentioned going to Safe Haven.
Queenie, why don’t these stupid women go to Safe Haven for help, at least in getting the police to take the matter seriously? That’s exactly what Safe Haven is there for!—No sympathy for stupidity
Dear No sympathy,
I would guess that these women are not stupid, but desperate, and don’t know how to get in touch with Safe Haven. And as I recall, one of these cases was on the French side of the island and the victim assumed that Safe Haven was only for the Dutch side, which I have been told is not the case.
Also, she may not have known how to contact Safe Haven from the French side of the island. I myself have never heard of a French-side number for Safe Haven. If there is one, or if it is the same number as for the Dutch side – (721) 523-6400, I would suggest that Safe Haven publicise the information. I would be happy to cooperate.
Dear Queenie,
A woman who has been my friend since we were kids lost her husband a few months ago after a long illness. He was also my friend. She says she is ready to get on with her life and I have asked her to go out with me, but she is not sure if it would be right.
Queenie, what would be a proper period of mourning before we could start dating?—Uncertain
Dear Uncertain,
There is no set period of mourning. It depends on circumstances. Does your friend have children? If so, how old are they? You would want to consider their feelings in the matter and give them time to adjust to the idea.
On the other hand, how old are you? If you and your friend are still fairly young, it would be appropriate to wait six months to a year. However, if the two of you are getting along in years, surely her friends and relatives will understand that you don’t want to waste any time.
Dear Queenie,
My little brother is such a pest. He is always getting into my things and bothering me when I am busy with my friends or my homework or whatever.
He won’t leave me alone and if I tell him to leave me alone he runs to my parents and cries and tells them I hit him or something and then they punish me even though I didn’t do it. But they never punish him for troubling me.
Queenie, how can I get them to make him leave me alone?—Older sibling
Dear Older sibling,
It is not clear from your letter whether you are the older sister or brother, but it doesn’t really affect my answer.
First, I must remind you that your parents are also your brother’s parents. Is it possible that part of your problem is sibling rivalry, meaning you are a bit jealous because they seem to love your brother more than you?
If that is the case, you must keep in mind that he is younger and smaller than you, and therefore requires more care and attention. Because you are older, your parents expect more patience and forbearance from you, and expect you to set a good example. I suspect you also have more privileges.
Ask your parents for help in keeping your brother out of your personal belongings and away from you when you really don’t want to be disturbed, and be patient with him the rest of the time. I assure, you will come to appreciate him when you both are older.
Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend and I went out to a disco the other night. When we got there she met up with a bunch of her friends and that was the last I saw of her for the evening until I was ready to go, which was pretty soon because I don’t like loud music and dancing much, especially with strangers.
When I was ready to go I went to her and she was dancing with another guy. I told her I had had enough and I wanted to go and she said I should go without her and her friends would take her home.
Queenie, I only went there because she wanted to. We were supposed to be on a date together. Shouldn’t she have gone home with me?—Angry boyfriend
Dear Angry boyfriend,
Of course she should have. On the other hand, you might have tried having a little more patience. You might even have asked her to dance with you. If you don’t like dancing because you don’t know how, you could have asked her to teach you.
However, your girlfriend’s behaviour was thoughtless, selfish, immature and completely without regard for your feelings. You might want to consider finding another girlfriend, one who is a little more considerate than this one and who shares your interests instead of expecting you to cater to hers.
