Dear Queenie,
When my husband and I got married he had a dog that was getting kind of old. I don’t much like dogs, especially to have them in the house, but I put up with it for my husband’s sake. Eventually the dog died of old age and my husband took it to the vet to be cremated.
The problem is that when he took the dead dog to the vet, he wrapped it in a quilt that my mother made for me when I was a child and they cremated the quilt along with the dog.
Queenie, I loved that quilt. It was a gift from my mother who has been gone for many years now! How could he do that to me?—Angry wife
Dear Wife,
Did your husband know the history of the quilt and how much it meant to you? If not, if he thought it was just another piece of bedclothes, try to forgive him for what he did in his grief over the loss of his dog.
However, if he did know how you felt about the quilt, and about the dog, he may have been trying to make you share his grief over his loss.
Either way, he owes you a sincere apology, and you should try to forgive him.
Dear Queenie,
I have a serious medical condition that I am taking medication for. The problem is that the medication interferes with my ability to have sex and my wife thinks I don’t find her attractive enough. That’s just not true. I still love her and think she is so beautiful, but I just can’t perform in the bedroom.
Queenie, how can I convince my wife I still love her and think she is just amazing?—Bedroom failure
Dear Bedroom Failure,
Make an appointment with your doctor to talk about changing your medication. Sometimes a small change can make a big difference in the side-effects. Take your wife with you, so the doctor can explain to her how your medication is affecting you.
And be sure to tell your wife often and show her in other ways how much you love her.
Dear Queenie,
Whatever I say or do, my husband says the opposite. If I say I like something he’ll say, “No you don’t.” If I like a TV show he thinks it’s stupid. Anything I want to do is not worth the trouble, and whatever I do I’m not doing it right.
Queenie, why does he do this. And how can I get him to stop?—Frustrated wife
Dear Wife,
I seems your husband enjoys “pushing your buttons” and/or is trying to control you. When he starts in on you, smile and say “Yes, dear” as sweetly as you can, then ignore him and go on with whatever you are doing.
You might also consider professional counselling to help you learn to cope with his behaviour. You might even be able to get him to go with you, thinking he can control that situation, in which case I think he will be in for a BIG (and unwelcome!) surprise.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend broke up with me a while ago, but he keeps texting me and asking me to go out with him. He says he regrets breaking up with me and sometimes he asks me to stay the night at his place, but he says our relationship isn’t going anywhere.
Queenie, what should I think about all this?—Confused ex-girlfriend
Dear Ex-girlfriend,
This guy does not want a relationship with you, he just wants whatever he can get from you without making any kind of commitment. He has said quite plainly that there is no future for the two of you together. Believe him – and walk away!
Dear Queenie,
My grown-up daughter lives with me and I don’t make her pay rent. She has a part-time job and helps out around the house, but she is always complaining about how much she has to do and she wants me to pay her for what she does.
Queenie, what should I tell her?—Disgusted
Dear Disgusted,
Tell her you will be happy to pay her for helping around the house when she starts paying you rent for the privilege of living there – and if she does not like that solution, she is free to find another place to live.
