Dear Queenie,
I am good friends with a man I have known for a long time, but I’m not interested in him in a romantic way. However, he keeps trying to make out with me and says things like, “I can’t wait to make love with you.” I keep telling him I’m not interested in him that way, but he keeps trying.
Queenie, how do I make him understand without hurting his feelings?—Just his friend, not his girlfriend
Dear Not his girlfriend,
Do not kiss your friend, not even “hello” or “goodbye”, and do not have physical contact with him in any other way. Some men take it for granted that when a woman touches them, even just on the arm, for example, it means they want more, more, more.
And if he still does not understand, sorry, but you may have to see a lot less of him.
Dear Queenie,
My husband has a friend who is single, attractive, smart and has a good sense of humor. He would be a good catch for any woman, but whenever I try to fix him up with a date he always makes some kind of excuse.
Queenie, do you suppose he is gay?—Matchmaker
Dear Matchmaker,
Some men (and women) are just not interested in being in a relationship, and this man may be one of them. Or he could already be in a relationship that you do not know about.
Save your matchmaking efforts for those who are interested in them.
Dear Queenie,
My much-older brother has had no contact with me, my sister and our mother since he went to live with our father a few years after Mom and Dad got divorced.
Our mother is getting along in years and putting her affairs in order, and she has asked us that when she dies we should not notify our brother of her death for at least six months and definitely not invite him to her funeral because she doesn’t want to think of him putting on a big show of grief when he actually hasn’t spoken to her for years.
I am willing to honor her wishes, but my sister says he should be able to attend the funeral if he wants to.
Queenie, what do you say?—Respectful daughter
Dear Daughter,
They say “funerals are for the living.” If having him there will not bother you or your sister, you should discuss this with your mother, but when the time comes, the final decision will be up to the ones who are planning the funeral.
Dear Queenie,
Me and my boyfriend have been going together for a couple of years, but when I talk about maybe getting engaged to get married he pulls away or changes the subject. I’m starting to wonder if he really loves me as much as I love him.
Queenie, am I wrong to want some sort of commitment?—Impatient girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
You are not wrong to want commitment, but if your boyfriend is not ready for it, you cannot force him to be.
You will have to decide whether to wait longer for him to make up his mind or to end your relationship with him and look for someone who is ready for something more definite and permanent.
Dear Queenie,
My parents love to attend my kids’ school events and sports and watch from the audience or the stands, but they don’t often get together with them for activities they can do together.
The kids like seeing their grandparents watching from a distance, but would also love to do things together with them, even if it’s just going out for a snack or staying home and watching TV.
Queenie, what can I do about this?—Frustrated mother
Dear Mother,
Tell your parents what you have said to me – you can even show them this letter in the newspaper if you think it will help.
You can suggest some activities your children might like to share with their grandparents, but do not tell them to stop going to watch the children’s school events and sports. Those things are good too, for both the children and their grandparents.
