Dear Queenie,
All my life my parents have shouted at me every time they think I’ve done something wrong, or not as good as they want, which is all the time. Whatever I have an opinion about they think I’m wrong and call me stupid for thinking that way.
Queenie, sometimes I just wish I could die and get away from it all. What else can I do?—Depressed son
Dear Son,
What you are describing is verbal abuse, which can be just as destructive as physical abuse.
If you are too young to live on your own, ask a teacher or guidance counsellor or some other adult you trust for help in learning to cope with your parents and the way they treat you, and, if possible, help in getting professional counselling for that purpose.
If you are old enough and can manage to afford it, move out and have as little to do with your parents as possible – and if they object, tell them exactly why you are doing so.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been thinking about getting married, but recently I found out that he told some of his friends that he would pay for me to get a boob job.
I like the way I look and I don’t think I need a boob job and I certainly don’t want one.
Queenie, what do you think this says about him?—Offended girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
I think it says your boyfriend assumes he can make you do whatever he wants. I do not blame you for being offended that he would say something like that to someone else without ever having discussed the subject with you to find out how you feel about it.
Perhaps this will make you think again about marrying him?
Dear Queenie,
When a certain relative comes to visit us he stays in our guest bedroom and wants us to rearrange the furniture so the bed faces in a certain direction (I think it’s a religious thing). We do what he wants, but it’s a lot of work, and when he leaves we have to put everything back the way it was before, which is just as much more work.
Queenie, do we have to do this every time?—Fed-up hostess
Dear Hostess,
As a good hostess you should try to please your guest if possible.
However, as a good guest, he should put the furniture back the way you want it before he leaves.
Dear Queenie,
Do you think it is OK for a father to ask his grown-up son if he is having sex with his girlfriend? I say it’s none of our business, but he says he just wants to advise them to be careful that she doesn’t get pregnant.
Queenie, what do you say?—MYOB mom
Dear Mom,
Would you still think it was none of your business if the girlfriend got pregnant?
Advise your husband to be as tactful as possible when he talks to your son about this. Perhaps he could ask your son what he knows about birth control and give him some fatherly advice on the subject without asking any questions about his sexual activity (if any) with his girlfriend.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been together for a couple of years and having sex since fairly early on. He always uses a condom, but recently he has started wanting to use the “rhythm system” and do without on the days when we think I can’t get pregnant.
Queenie, we’re too young to have children. What can I do?—Teenage girl
Dear Teenager,
Consult your doctor for advice and possibly a prescription for birth control pills. You should have done this long ago. Condoms are not totally safe; there is always the possibility that one might leak or even break, at the worst possible moment.
