Dear Queenie,

  I never could understand why my wife always used to wash the dishes before she put them in the dishwasher, but after she died and I had to do the dishes myself I could understand better.

  Queenie, can you recommend a dishwasher detergent that will really get the dishes clean?—Recent Widower

Dear Widower,

  My condolences on the loss of your wife.

  If your wife had been using the same dishwasher for many years, the problem may be that it (too) is getting older and older. If all the detergents you have tried are not getting the job done, it probably is time for you to get a new dishwasher.

  And even so, it is usually a good idea to rinse the dishes off before putting them in the dishwasher.

Dear Queenie,

  Very often when I am having lunch or just hanging out with a friend her cell phone will ring and she will answer it and chat for a long time with whoever called while I am just sitting there. I could understand if it is an important work call or her kids’ school or some kind of emergency, but not if it’s just social chitchat.

  Queenie, how would you handle something like this?—Cell phone Etty Ket

Dear Etty Ket,

  I would not ask your friend to turn off her cell phone while you are together, because there is always the possibility of an important work call or an emergency.

  However, the two of you can agree in advance that, with those exceptions, your time together will be cell-phone-free. And then, if she does not abide by that agreement, feel free to excuse yourself and leave.

Dear Queenie,

  I have 6 sons and daughters and they all have children of their own. I love my grandchildren and I like to take care of them whenever I can, but sometimes when one of my children asks me to babysit I have something else planned or I just need some time to rest up.

  Queenie, at a time like that how do I tell them I don’t want to be with my grandchildren?—Busy grandma

Dear Grandma,

  At a time like that you tell your children you are sorry, but you have something else planned that cannot be cancelled, or you are too tired and cannot be sure of giving the grandchild(ren) the attention they will need, and ask your children to tell you further in advance when they are going to want you to babysit.

  Of course, that does not allow for last minute “emergencies”, so it would help if you know someone reliable to whom you can refer your children when you are not available.

Dear Queenie,

  I had a lot of problems when I was pregnant and I couldn’t pay as much attention to my husband as he wanted and give him everything he needed. He met a woman who told him he should divorce me if he wasn’t happy being married and worrying all the time about his wife and children. So he is getting a divorce and now he is together with that woman.

  Queenie, what kind of person, especially a woman, thinks that is okay to do?—Jilted wife  

Dear Wife,

  What that woman did was wrong, but so was your husband who had taken vows to be faithful to you “for better or worse”.

  You should consult a lawyer immediately to learn how to protect yourself and your children in the divorce. You should also go for counselling, and ask your husband to go with you, to see if is possible for the two of you to reconcile and repair your marriage, and if it is not, to learn how to cope with what comes in the future.

  And I think that other woman had better pray that she does not start having any “problems”, because if she does, your soon-to-be-ex will probably follow her advice again and break up with her like he has done to you.