Dear Queenie,
I had a short affair with a man I know from work. I ended it right away when my husband found out.
My husband said he forgave me and I thought that was the end of it, but we haven’t had sex since he found out about the affair. We never had sex very much before that, which was part of why I got involved with the other man, but since my husband found out about the affair we haven’t had sex at all. Never!
My husband says he loves me and forgives me for the affair and just isn’t interested in sex anymore.
Queenie, should I believe him? Is this what things will be like from now on?—Frustrated wife
Dear Wife,
It could be that your husband is still angry about the affair, even though he says he has forgiven you.
However, because you say he did not have sex with you very often even before the affair, it is possible that he has some physical problem. Encourage him to have a complete physical check-up, including tests of his hormone levels (especially testosterone).
Professional counselling for both of you, separately and/or together, might also help.
Dear Queenie,
There are some people I would rather not have come to my funeral when I die.
Queenie, should I make a list of the people I don’t want there and keep it with my will?—Looking ahead
Dear Looking ahead,
People go to a funeral both to pay respects to the deceased and to offer condolences and comfort to those left behind. I hope you will give the latter reason the consideration it deserves.
The funeral announcement can indicate who will be welcome at the service and who can be contacted for further information.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have a cat that very obviously cares more about me than him. I’m the one who feeds her and brushes her fur and takes her to the vet. She comes when I call her and sits on my lap and sleeps on my side of the bed. She lets my husband pet her (sometimes) and she runs and hides from strangers.
Queenie, he gets mad when I say she’s my cat. What do you say?—Love my cat
Dear Love my cat,
It is obvious what your cat “says”, but unless you are the only one paying for her food and veterinary bills and the place where she lives, she belongs to your husband too. Try to be more tactful.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have been married for almost 20 years. Two of our best friends are my best friend since high school and her husband. Recently her husband made a pass at me and tried to get me to have sex with him. Of course I refused and we haven’t seen either of them since.
I told my husband about it and he thinks I should tell her what her husband did, but I’m afraid she will blame me too and it will ruin our friendship.
Queenie, what should I do?—Can’t decide
Dear Can’t decide,
Whatever you do, there has been damage to your friendship with this couple. Whether you keep this a secret or tell her, it will affect your relationship with your “best friend since high school”.
If you and your husband decide not to say anything to the wife, tell her husband you are still offended, but for his wife’s sake you will forgive him. But make it clear to him that if he ever does anything like this again your friend, his wife, will hear about it right away.
Dear Queenie,
One of the girls I know is always afraid of how people will judge her if she does something, doesn’t play sports and is always on her phone, but she always wants someone to be with her.
Queenie, what can I do for her?—Fed-up friend
Dear Friend,
You can talk to her about all this if you think she will listen and it will do any good. Otherwise, you will just have to ignore what you can and spend as little time with her as you can manage.
