Dear Queenie,
My niece was always one of the popular girls while my daughter was a “plain Jane brain” – good grades but not good-looking.
My niece stayed here on the island waiting for her boyfriend to come home from college, but when he did it was with another girl that he met while he was away at school.
My daughter went away to college and when she came back we almost didn’t recognise her, she had changed so much. She lost weight, let her hair grow long, and started wearing contact lenses instead of glasses.
Now my niece and her mother aren’t speaking to me or my daughter and we have heard that they are bad-mouthing us behind our backs.
Queenie, what have we done wrong and how can we fix it?—Cold-shouldered
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I left a wedding reception before they served the dinner, because the band was playing its music so loud we couldn’t hear ourselves talk, so couldn’t make conversation with other guests and it gave me a headache.
Now the hosts are mad at us because they had to pay for our dinner anyway.
Queenie, were we rude, or were they for making it so unpleasant for their guests?—Wedding Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
It would have been more polite of you if, before you left, you had told the hosts about your discomfort and asked them to tell the band to lower the volume.
If they had obliged, you could have stayed and enjoyed the occasion. On the other hand, if they had ignored your request, they would have had no complaint about your leaving.
Dear Queenie,
My best friend has been planning her wedding for months now and right at the beginning she asked me to be her maid of honour and I said “yes.” I have already bought the dress and made reservations for the trip to where she is getting married.
Last week my sister got engaged and when she started talking about choosing a wedding date I told her what date I would be off-island because I had made a commitment to be in my friend’s wedding.
Now my mother tells me my sister has decided to get married on the same day as my friend and wants me to be her maid of honour.
Queenie, how do I choose?—Pulled 2 ways
Dear Pulled,
I have to wonder why your sister chose that date even after you had warned her that you would be away, and why you had to hear from your mother about the date and that your sister wanted you to be her maid of honour. Why did sister not tell you herself? And if she does not speak to you, why would she want you in her wedding party?
In my book your first obligation is to your friend. If your sister has a problem with that, remind her that you specifically warned her before she chose a wedding date that you would be unavailable on the date she eventually selected and, if only to keep peace in the family (if that is even a possibility), thank her for her offer.
Dear Queenie,
My aunt is very sick and probably will die soon. She is one of the meanest people I know and a couple of her children are just like her, although I get along just fine with the others.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I are both retired and he likes to go shopping with me, but it’s getting really embarrassing. There’s a pretty young girl who works in one of my favourite shops and he always makes a big fuss over her, paying her all sorts of compliments and commenting on her clothes and her jewellery and her makeup and anything else he can think of.
It’s obvious that she also finds this embarrassing and I have told him what a fool he is making of himself, but he still carries on when he sees her and she is too polite to tell him to back off.
Queenie, how do I get him to behave himself?—Embarrassed wife
