Dear Queenie,
My husband and I are friends with a group of other couples who meet every week in one couple’s house or another’s. One of the wives told me her husband has the habit of staring at women he thinks are sexy and asked me to dress more modestly because she had noticed him staring at me.
Queenie, it’s not as if I wear tight-fitting clothes or short skirts or low-cut necklines. Why should I have to plan my outfits according to her husband’s habits?—Not hot
Dear Not hot,
You do not. However, you should try to feel sorry for this woman who is so sensitive about what her husband may or may not be thinking about other women.
Dear Queenie,
I received a wedding invitation from my cousin the other day with my last name (my married name) spelled wrong. I’d like to tell her the correct spelling so the place card at the wedding reception will have it right and so she won’t make this mistake again in the future.
Queenie, how can I do this without insulting her?—Get my name right, please
Dear Right name,
Your cousin may have had help sending out the invitations and may not have been the one who made this mistake. However, the same helper may be also in charge of the place cards, so to prevent a repeat of the error you have several options. You could call your cousin and ask her about the mistake. Or you could just make sure your name is spelled correctly on the RSVP card (cross out the wrong spelling and write in the correct name, if necessary). As a bonus, this will give you added incentive to return the RSVP card promptly.
Dear Queenie,
There’s someone I work with who is always willing to talk and talk and talk about themself when you ask how they are or how their family is or what they did over the weekend, or whatever, but never once bothers to ask you how you are, or whatever.
Queenie, I find this rude. What do you think?—Conversation Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
I agree. But the solution seems obvious – do not ask this person anything about themself. Instead, ask them, “Would you like to hear how I am?” or “… what I did last weekend?” If they say “yes” (which I doubt will happen) feel free to give them a dose of their own medicine (although I doubt they will get the message).
Dear Queenie,
My mother, who is retired, complains that no one in the family ever calls her. The reason we don’t call her is that when we do she wants to talk for literally an hour or more and we don’t want to hang up on her but we have our lives to live and our jobs to go to and we just don’t have all that much spare time.
Queenie, how can we cut her off without being rude?—Telephone Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
Set a timer, preferably one with a nice loud bell or buzzer, when you call her or answer one of her calls, and when the time goes off tell her “Sorry, but someone is at the door” or “you have to take the food off the stove (or out of the oven, or whatever).” And, when you call her, try to do so when you have time for a nice long chat.
Apparently your retired mother is bored and/or lonely. Can you help her find some outside interest, like volunteering or joining a club or other mutual-interest group? With luck, she will get so busy that she will not have time to talk to you.
Dear Queenie,
A woman I know divorced her husband because he had an affair with another woman. When she started dating again she got involved with a married man who eventually ditched her and went back to his wife and they patched up their marriage. Now this woman I know is doing everything she can to get that married man back.
When her husband cheated on her, she thought that other woman was just a whore. So Queenie, what does that make her for having an affair with a man who is married to someone else?—Revolted
Dear Revolted,
I quite agree with you. Her actions put her in the same class as the woman who broke up her marriage.
