Dear Queenie,
Normally when I read your article your reply seems accurate.
However, after reading your reply to “Molested employee” in the April 6 column I was disappointed and shocked by your advice which stated, and I quote: “Forget about the incident and if you go out with co-workers again make sure you stay sober. Do not drink any alcohol at all if that is what it takes for you not to get drunk.”
Queenie, the moral here is being molested and not about being intoxicated. This incident can impact that employee’s life forever. What it would take for her to protect herself from being molested again, drunk or sober, would be to find herself another job.—Female employee
Dear Female employee,
Perhaps you did not read the letter in that column carefully. The writer clearly said that when she told the man to stop what he was doing he stopped, and the next day he apologised for his behaviour.
She was not molested. The man approached her when she was intoxicated, she rejected him, he went no further and later showed regret for what he had done.
My advice to her was to make sure she never gave him – or any man – an opportunity to approach her that way again, specifically by refraining from drinking so much that her ability to function normally might be impaired, Perhaps if that man had tried again on another occasion I would have advised her to quit her job, but there was no indication that he had ever done so again.
Dear Queenie,
A long time ago some friends and I started getting together regularly for lunch. Since then some other women also have joined the group and recently some of the newcomers suggested we meet at a different place and at a different time that they find more convenient.
The other women in the group don’t seem to care about the change, but I don’t like that place and the time is not convenient for me.
Queenie, doesn’t the fact that I am one of the original members of the group count for anything?—Fed up
Dear Fed up,
You may be one of the original members, but the group does not belong to you. Majority rules in a case like this. You can go along with the others, or leave the group, your choice.
Dear Queenie,
I’m a man in my 40s engaged to a much younger woman and we’re busy planning our wedding. We agree on most things, but the wedding planning is causing problems. Every time I ask how much something s going to cost she gets upset. I know it’s a very special day for a woman, especially her first marriage, but we don’t have a money tree growing in our yard.
Queenie, am I out of line or is she being a bridezilla? And is this a sign of future problems?—Not made of money
Dear Not made of money,
You are not out of line and this could very well be an indication of future problems. Disagreements about financial management are one of the commonest causes of marital problems and divorce.
The two of you need to set a budget for your wedding (and for your future life together) and stay within it.
Apparently you and your bride-to-be would benefit from some serious financial counselling and perhaps a course in budget-planning.
Dear Queenie,
My cousin is getting married in a couple of months. I bought a dress that I like very much to wear to the wedding that turns out to be the same colour as the bridesmaids’ dresses (but a different style).
My aunt (the bride’s mother) found out about it from my mother. She is vexed and says I should get another dress in a different colour.
Queenie, it’s a very common colour and I bet there will be other guests wearing that colour too. So should I give in and get a different dress?—Wedding guest
Dear Guest,
Your aunt is out of line to try to dictate what you should or should not wear to her daughter’s wedding as long as it is appropriately formal. Think how red her face would be if a lot – or even all – of the female guests happened to wear that colour! Would she ask them all to wear something else?
Keep your dress and enjoy the wedding.
Dear Queenie,
Recently my young adult daughter found herself in a predicament. After a falling out with a male friend, he decided to be vindictive. He organised a meeting between a clique of about six so-called friends and spilled everything that was said about them, turning everyone against her. He then filed a harassment complaint against her with the detectives. Not enough for him, he went to her boss and spilled the story to him. On social media she was referred to as Crazy, Disillusion, Liar and Psychotic.
Then this same young man visited my workplace claiming he was there to apologise. He said he was being dishonest about some things and would like to meet with my family to apologise. By the Grace of God in me, I have the surveillance tape with audio from my job, which I already requested, and I am thinking of sending it to her lawyer, the detectives, her boss and then the clique of friends. His actions caused severe emotional stress for her and myself.
Queenie, would that make me an unfair and unforgiving mother?—Too Considerate mother
Dear Too Considerate mother,
It might make you unforgiving, but not at all unfair.
As you describe it, this man’s behaviour was unforgivable. It may even have been punishable under the law. Your daughter’s lawyer can tell you what legal redress is available to you and the tape should be proof enough of his actions and behaviour.
