Dear Queenie,
About a week after my wife’s funeral her family called me and asked for some of her things, which I gave them. Since then I haven’t heard from them at all. I considered them part of my family and I miss them.
Queenie, why do people do like this?—Lonely widower
Dear Widower,
There could me many reasons for their behaviour. They may have forgotten, they may be busy, they may have assumed you preferred to mourn in private,
However, staying in touch with people works both ways. Have you made any effort to contact them? If not, they may just think you are not interested in hearing from them.
Dear Queenie,
Why is it when someone asks you for your opinion or advice they get mad at you if you don’t agree with them?
Queenie, if they don’t want to know what you think, why do they ask?—Just curious
Dear Curious,
Sometimes it is because they did not really want your opinion, they just wanted you to confirm their own opinion.
But it also could be the manner in which you answer them. Try using a gentler tone when you disagree with someone.
Dear Queenie,
I want to have children and my fiancé is not against it but I’m not sure I can count on him for help when the time comes. He’s good about things like feeding the cat and changing the litter box, but he’s lazy about things like doing dishes and he likes to play video games.
Queenie, do you think I can count on him to do his share or should I just forget about having children?—Worried fiancée
Dear Worried,
From what you say, your fiancé is already doing his share, and is willing to take on dirty jobs (the litter box). The fact that he does not share your ideas as to what jobs are important (cleaning the litter box is not important too?) does not mean he is not doing anything at all, and the fact that he likes to relax with video games, which apparently you do not find entertaining, does not mean he is lazy. Relax a little.
Dear Queenie,
There’s this very attractive man at work that I think likes me but no matter how much chance I give him he has never asked me out.
Queenie, should I ask him? Or what should I do?—Lady waiting
Dear Waiting,
Sure you can ask him – but be prepared for him to tell you he already has a girlfriend, or a wife or a boyfriend for that matter. Or you could (discreetly, I hope) ask some mutual friend about him – and possibly get the same kind of answer.
Even if it turns out he is interested in you, a man who does not have the gumption to make a move towards a woman who clearly is interested in him is a pretty poor bet for any kind of real relationship, in my opinion.
Dear Queenie,
When our family gets together the men just sit around watching TV while the women do all the work.
Queenie, do you think this is fair? And if not, what to do about it?—Fed up
Dear Fed up,
No, it is not fair. And what to do – go on strike.
Tell the men food will not be served (not even snacks) until they have set the table and helped with the preparations. After the meal is over, hide the remote control – even unplug the TV if necessary – until the table is cleared, food is put way and cleanup is complete. Do not expect the men to do all the work, but insist that they at least pitch in.
Better yet, give the men a taste of their own medicine. Do not even start cooking and when the meal is over do not even start clearing the table or serving dessert. Tell them this time it is up to them to do the work while you watch TV – preferably “chick flicks” that the men would not dream of watching. You deserve a break.
