Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend just got a job in the same department where I work and I will be her supervisor.
Queenie, she doesn’t like it when she thinks I am bossing her around at home, so how do you think she will take it at work and how can I deal with it?—Boyfriend/boss
Dear Boyfriend/boss,
Your girlfriend needs to understand that on the job she is just another employee and should not expect any special treatment from you because of your outside-or-work relationship.
Discuss this with her in advance, in private, and if she cannot accept the fact, she should look for a transfer to another department or another job altogether.
Dear Queenie,
My husband is always talking about other women he sees. He comments on how good they look and how smart they are and what nice personalities they have. Even when he is out with me he stares at other women and comments about them.
If I complain that he is disrespecting me he apologises, but he doesn’t stop doing it.
Queenie, do you think he is cheating on me behind my back?—Worried wife
Dear Wife,
I do not think he is cheating, or he (I hope!) would have the sense to be more secretive about his ogling and his comments. Nevertheless, you are right that this is disrespectful to both you and your marriage and to the other women involved.
Ask him to go with you for professional counselling to find out why he does it and how he can learn to modify this offensive behaviour.
Dear Queenie,
My fiancé and I are getting married later this year. We have been living together for several years and already have everything we need. So we would rather have people donate to our favourite charity than give us stuff we don’t need.
Queenie, is there a right way to do this?—Bridal Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
According to the rules of etiquette, there should be no mention of gifts of any kind on (or with) your wedding invitations.
However, if anyone asks you what kind of gift you would like to receive you may feel free to tell them what you have told me about making a donation in your name.
Dear Queenie,
I have just finished reading your column from the Friday, January 20, newspaper (Guesti-Ket). Have you not heard of potluck suppers?
I have hosted everything from coffee and muffins for neighbors to formal dinner/dances and I find a potluck supper to be the most fun.
The hostess asks each guest to bring something to complete the menu for the meal. Each guest can then make something special to her and bring it to the gathering. It makes everyone feel like a piece of the bigger part, the meal. Often someone asks for a recipe and everyone seems to complement each other. This really helps if you have a newcomer to the group or someone who might be a bit shy.
The atmosphere of the meal is far more casual and just plain fun.
Try it, you might enjoy it.
I am sorry for the writer of the question to you as she might have missed a party due to your advice.
Queenie, I enjoy reading your column while on-island. I do not always agree but that is life.—E.S.
Dear E.S.,
Yes, I have heard of potluck suppers. However, it is up to the hostess to make it clear in her invitation that it is going to be that kind of event, which apparently was not the case for Guesti-Ket, as she only found out from other invitees, who may have been as bewildered as she was.
Thank you for your input. And FYI, you can find my column every day on The Daily Herald’s website even when you are not on the island.
Dear Queenie,
A friend of mine is getting married and I have been asked to be in the wedding party and have accepted the honor. The wedding is going to take place some distance from where I live and I have also traveled to several pre-wedding events, plus paying for my wedding outfit, and it’s all getting rather expensive.
Queenie, do I still have to give them a wedding gift?—Out-of-town wedding attendant
Dear Out-of-towner,
Yes, but you do not have to spend a lot on it. In fact, if you are handy that way, you could give them something you make yourself. You also are expected to chip in on all attendants’ group gifts.
