Dear Queenie,
After I dated my husband for several years and then married him a couple of years ago, I learned that everything he told me about himself was a lie, from his finances, his former marriage, his job, you name it.
I’m trapped in a marriage with a man I just don’t know and his family is no help. They believe everything he tells them, even about me even though they know me.
Queenie, should I stay with him or get a divorce?—Liar’s wife
Dear Liar’s wife,
Professional counselling for the two of you, separately and together, might help you save your marriage, but if your husband will not go with you, go by yourself.
And, especially if he will not go for counselling, consult a divorce lawyer to learn what your options are. And if your husband knows you are doing so, it might just motivate him to go for counselling!
For what it is worth, I do not understand how, on this small island, you did not detect his lies long before you married him. Well, they do say love is blind – and deaf too, it would seem.
Dear Queenie,
I’ve been married for more than 10 years. At first everything was great, but then the kids came along and my husband changed. One minute he will be shouting at me and telling me he hates me and the next he is all lovey-dovey and wants sex. He thinks he is always right, even when I know he isn’t, but he just says I am too stupid to know better.
I tried to get him to go for counselling with me, but he refused. He said he didn’t need it because the problem was all my fault.
Queenie, what more can I do?—He’s driving me crazy
Dear Crazy,
If your husband refuses to get professional counselling, there is no reason you cannot get counselling for yourself, and you need it to help you cope with this abusive man.
Ask Safe Haven (office 9277, 24-hour hotline number 9333 or 721- 523-6400, e-mail This email address is being protected from spambots. You need JavaScript enabled to view it. and Facebook: SafeHavenSt.Maarten) for help.
Dear Queenie,
I have a friend who is physically attractive, smart and has a good sense of humour, but she just can’t keep a man interested for more than one date and I know why – it’s because she just won’t shut up. She talks and talks and if the guy manages to get a word in she interrupts him and goes on and on without listening to what he has to say.
Queenie, should I tell her what her problem is?—Concerned friend
Dear Friend,
You can try, but it is not likely that she will listen. And if she does, she may just be insulted and not take to heart what you have said.
Dear Queenie,
What do you do when a friend tells you something that they ask you to keep to yourself and then you find out you are not the only one they have told.
Queenie, if it’s supposed to be a secret, shouldn’t they not tell anyone in the first place?—Disgusted
Dear Disgusted,
If it really is a secret, of course they should not be blabbing it around like that. But do not make things worse by following their example. Keep your mouth shut, even if they cannot.
Dear Queenie,
Now that he is getting older my husband sometimes has trouble getting it up, if you know what I mean. He is worried that I will think it means he doesn’t love me anymore, but I know it’s just a matter of his age.
Queenie, how can I reassure him?—Sympathetic wife
Dear Wife,
Your husband should go to his doctor for a thorough medical exam. His problem could be just a matter of his age, but it also could be related to a real physical condition that needs to be treated. He should find out sooner than later.
