Dear Queenie,
I have been together with my girlfriend all through high school and we are going to be going to the same university after we graduate. We think it would be a good idea to get an apartment together so we can share expenses instead of living in separate apartments or in dormitories, which will be much more expensive, but our parents won’t even talk about the idea.
We are both old enough to do whatever we want, but we don’t want to be on the outs with our families.
Queenie, how can we get them to agree with us?—High school senior
Dear High school senior,
I am afraid I have no good answer to the question you have asked, because I agree with your parents. Going away to university will mean many big changes in your lives, and you and your boyfriend will have more than enough to cope with without the added strain of actually living together with a “love partner” for the first time in your lives.
What I suggest is that you go along with what your parents want for at least the first year of university. After that you will have more experience and will be in a better position to persuade your parents – that is, if you still want to share an apartment.
Dear Queenie,
My husband is a lot older than I am and already has children and grandchildren from his first marriage.
Queenie, I have never had any special wish to have children, but how can I know if I will ever be sorry if I don’t?—Can’t decide
Dear Can’t decide,
I cannot tell fortunes or read the future, so I cannot answer your question. This is something you will have to discuss with your husband, because of course it involves him as well.
He may not wish to have children the same age as or younger than his grandchildren. Also, being step-grandmother to his children’s children may give you some idea of how you would feel about being a mother.
Dear Queenie,
I have a way of saying what is convenient in a conversation instead of telling the truth if the truth would just start an argument.
Recently I bought some rather expensive clothes and I knew my husband would put up a fuss about how much they cost so I told him I got them for a discount at a charity sale, but when the credit card bill came and he saw how much they really cost he got so mad and he said he can’t ever trust anything I ever say again. I’m pregnant and he even said how can he sure the baby is really his.
Queenie, I may have told lies, but I never cheated on him. How can I get him to trust me again?—Liar, liar, pants on fire
Dear Liar,
The question of your baby’s paternity can be settled with a DNA test – if you can get your husband to approve the cost.
However, regaining your husband’s trust will be more difficult. Whenever you feel the impulse to say anything other than the truth, stop, think about the problems being caught in this lie could cause you, and tell the truth.
I also suggest professional counselling for you to help you understand why you lie so much, and for both you and your husband (if you can persuade him to go with you) to help him understand your problem and to help the two of you together preserve your marriage.
Dear Queenie,
We recently learned that our son has Asperger’s syndrome, which explains a lot about his sometimes very strange behaviour, especially why he does not do well in large groups and noisy situations, so from now on we will plan to celebrate special occasions just the four of us (me, my wife, our son and our daughter) instead of at the usually big parties our families like to have.
But Queenie, how are we going to explain staying away without them thinking we are mad at them for something?—Worried father
Dear Father,
You simply tell them the truth: that your son does not do well in large groups and noisy situations because he has Asperger’s syndrome – which is not anything to be ashamed of, it is just how things are with him.
Surely you can arrange to get together with your extended families a few at a time in smaller and less noisy groups, so as not to isolate yourselves from them.
Dear Queenie,
What do people mean when they talk about “common sense”? My mother says I am very smart but I have no common sense.
Queenie, what does she mean?—Confused
Dear Confused,
Being “smart” is basically the ability to be a good student and learn what is called “book knowledge.” “Common sense” is the ability to learn from experience – the “lessons of life,” also known as “the school of hard knocks” – and not repeat the mistakes one makes along the way.
And, yes, it is quite possible to be “book-smart” and to not have common sense.
