Dear Queenie,
I met a man I thought was wonderful and we planned to be married. But when I moved in with him I found out that everything he told me was a lie.
He said he had no family, but I found out his parents are still alive and he has brothers and sisters on another island and six children he pays support for. He said he went to college, but he didn’t. He even lied about his age!
I love him, but I have serious doubts about marrying him.
Do you think I should go ahead with the wedding, Queenie?—Fiancée in doubt
Dear Fiancée in doubt,
My rule of thumb for questionable decisions is: When in doubt, don’t! And for dubious situations: When in doubt, get out! In this case, both would seem to apply.
One of the most important ingredients of a good marriage is trust, and you have already discovered that this man’s word is not to be trusted. Heaven knows what else he has lied about that you have not found out yet, like maybe a wife (or two or three) to go with those six children (are you sure there aren’t more?).
Dump this guy fast, before you find out he has lied about something that might get you into serious trouble, like a drug habit or criminal activity or a mountain of unpaid debts.
Dear Queenie,
My sister has lots of boyfriends but I don’t. I just have one and he is kind of shy. On my birthday he bought me a box of expensive chocolates and brought them to my house when I wasn’t home.
He gave them to the maid to give to me but she is new and doesn’t know all of us very well yet, so she gave them to my sister by mistake. My sister took them and shared them with all her girlfriends.
When I asked where they were, because I knew they should be there because my boyfriend told me he was going to leave them for me, she just said she thought they were for her because she is always getting presents from her boyfriends. She didn’t even apologise for the mistake and neither did the maid.
Queenie, what do you think of that?—Angry birthday girl
Dear Angry birthday girl,
I think it was careless of your boyfriend not to put your name on the package or to put a card inside. If he had done so, your sister would have known immediately that it was for you and would have had no excuse for her mistake. And if you were expecting the package, you should have told the maid what to do with it.
However, I think your sister and the maid both owe you an apology and your sister owes you a box of expensive chocolates.
I also think it is very foolish of your sister to accept gifts from unknown donors, especially sweets that might have been tampered with. You never know what kind of kooks are out there, and it isn’t just small children who shouldn’t accept candy from strangers!
Dear Queenie,
My daughter has always been a tomboy, but now she is starting to develop and get interested in boys. She went to the movies with some friends last weekend and wore lipstick because a boy she likes was in the group.
When she got home and her father saw her he had a fit. He made her go wash her face and ordered her not to wear makeup again. He was all set to ground her for a month, but I intervened and told him I had said it would be all right.
Then he got mad at me and said she is too young for such things and he will tell me when she is old enough.
Queenie, who is right? She’s 14.—Caught in the middle
Dear Caught in the middle,
Make an icebag for your husband and tell him to go lie down and cool off, because his little girl is growing up right on schedule. It is only natural for a 14-year-old girl to be interested in boys and he had better get used to it. You can’t stop Mother Nature.
As for the makeup, I see nothing wrong with a little lipstick, as long as she doesn’t overdo it. It’s up to you to teach her how to use it properly and in moderation.
Dear Queenie,
There’s this boy at school who has a crush on me and he just won’t let me alone. It’s not just at school. He calls me at home all the time and my parents are getting fed up. I mean, it’s not just a couple of times every day, it’s every hour or so and sometimes every 15 minutes.
If my mother tells him I’m not home he keeps calling anyway until she makes me talk to him to get rid of him. But then he keeps calling back anyway, so what’s the point?
I’m afraid to tell him to stop because he might spread stories about me at school and say I’m a racist or something.
Queenie, what can I do?—Desperate teenager
Dear Desperate teenager,
First, tell everyone at school what is going on and tell him to stop bothering you. When they know what is happening, no one will believe any stories he tells about you.
If he still doesn’t stop, your parents should talk to his parents. If that doesn’t help, go to the police. What this boy is doing is a form of stalking, which is illegal.
You should also inform the phone company. They can help you with caller ID and call blocking so you can block his calls. They may also decide to take legal action against him for using (and possibly against his parents for letting him use) their equipment to commit an illegal act.
Dear Queenie,
My mother got married a few months ago to a nice man who treats her and me and my brother very well.
The problem is his kids, our step-brother and step-sister. Our mother treats them like their father treats us and they get along with her just fine.
They are nice to us too when our parents are watching. But they are mean to us all the time when our parents aren’t around and they say we are trying to steal their father from them, he’s not our father and they wish we would just go away.
Queenie, we don’t say things like that to them about our mother. We just want all of us to be a family. How can we get them to lighten up?—Stepchild
Dear Stepchild,
This is a problem you can’t solve without help. Talk to your parents about it. It is up to your parents, especially your stepfather, to explain to his children that he still loves them and nobody can “steal” him or his love from them.
If he is unable to reassure them, counselling might help.
Meanwhile, try to understand that your step-siblings are having trouble adjusting to a very new situation, and try to be patient with them.
