Dear Queenie,
Although I agree with the advice you gave “Undecided”, that she could do better, I have to state that “better” is virtually impossible to find on this rock we call St. Martin.
I’m 28 and still single because I'm still on that quest to find “better.” The dating scene on this island is an ocean of married and involved men looking for a little something on the side. I keep hearing that there are other fish in the sea, but I keep turning up the same type or species (ha-ha).
Nowhere to be found is the “good man”, the faithful partner, who will respect a woman's mind, body and soul. A man who is not threatened by a woman's intellect or success. A man who is looking for more than an occasional romp in the sack, or a sugar momma. A real man.
Queenie, where are all the real men at? PS: Welcome to the Web and kindly don’t print my real name or e-mail address.--Single and searching
Dear Single and searching,
Thank you for the welcoming words, and let me state for the record: I never print anyone’s name or address in this column!
To answer your question, perhaps you are not casting out your bait in the right places. And perhaps the “good men” are leery of a woman who seems to be “fishing” for a “good catch”.
I suggest you stop searching for a man and simply try to be the best person you can be. Instead of looking for someone, do volunteer work, join a service club, or a church, if that is more to your taste.
Chances are when you stop “fishing” you will find yourself meeting a lot of good men. Most of them will be “spoken for”, of course, but you may get lucky. And even if you don’t, you will have made the world a little bit better place by doing something to help others.
Dear Queenie,
I was together with this boy for 3 months and we went through some tough times, but now it’s over and he is still giving me some hard times.
When we were together we were having sexual intercourse and he told me that he would never tell any of his friends, but now all his friends know about it and they are spreading rumors, him also. I gave him all my trust, but I was warned about this, but I couldn’t believe it because he was nice to me.
I complained to him and he told me that it is not true and I couldn’t believe him because you could’ve seen it on his face.
Up to today I am hearing rumors that I should’ve heard during our relationship, so I could’ve known to leave him.
Queenie, I am a very young girl and I don’t want to have a dirty background just because I thought I could trust a boy. What should I do? Please e-mail me back!—Betrayed
Dear Betrayed,
I am sure that while you were going with your ex-boyfriend you could have heard the rumours you are now hearing, if you had been willing to listen, or to believe them. You say someone tried to warn you, but you refused to listen. For that matter, you probably could have seen for yourself what he was like, if you had been willing to look at him with the eyes in your head instead of your heart.
But they say love is blind, and apparently it is deaf also. You have also proved the truth of another old saying, the one about experience keeping a hard school.
There is nothing you can do about what happened between you and this boy. It is over and done with and you will have to suffer the consequences.
But learn from your mistake and make up your mind not to repeat it. Hold your head up and go about your business. Eventually you will live down the rumours; assuming, that is, that you do not give anyone any further reason to believe them.
Note to all my readers: E-mail letters also will be answered in this newspaper column.
Dear Queenie,
When my mother-in-law is planning to come to visit us she lets us know she is coming but she doesn’t tell us when she is going to arrive. Then we have to stay home all day waiting for her. This doesn’t bother my wife, but I find it inconvenient and frustrating.
Queenie, is there anything I can do about it?—Son-in-law in waiting
Dear Son-in-law,
The next time your mother-in-law says she is coming to see you, tell her you have errands to run and need to know when to expect her, so she should call you on your cellphone when she is getting close to arrival so you can get home in time to meet her.
Dear Queenie,
I have a boyfriend and he has a friend and both of them like me, but one of them is in a lower class than the other and now the one who happens to be in the lower class tells me he has finished school.
Now I don't know who to dump and who to take.
Please help me, Queenie.—Confused
Dear Confused,
There is no reason for you to dump either of them unless one (or both) is demanding an exclusive relationship. It is perfectly okay for a girl to date more than one boy, as long as she hasn’t given her word to “go steady” with anyone.
As you are so uncertain about which one you prefer, I don’t think you are ready to have an exclusive relationship with either of these boys. If one or the other (or both) doesn’t like the idea of your “playing the field,” so be it. A boy who really cares about you will stick around until you make up your mind.
If a boy doesn’t care enough to give you a little “space” to make up your mind, you are better off without him. And in the end, you may even find someone else about whom you have no doubts or confusion.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been going together for about 4 years and I think he is going to propose to me, because his best friend just proposed to his girlfriend and my boyfriend always does like his friend does – he takes me to the same kind of places and gets me the same kind of gifts as his friend gives his girlfriend.
If my boyfriend does propose soon after his friend has done it, I’m going to say “no” because I won’t say “yes” to a copycat proposal.
Queenie, what do you think about all this?—Copycat’s girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
Your boyfriend seems to be unable to make major decisions on his own and is not likely to change. You probably would be much happier with someone more mature.
