Dear Queenie,

My mother calls me almost every day to complain about some argument she has had with one of my sisters or brothers. She goes on and on, and by the time we hang up I’m ready to cry.

My sisters and brothers don’t want to talk to her because all she does is complain to them about the others and then argue with them if she doesn’t think they’re properly sympathetic, but she’s the one who starts the arguments. I’ve tried to explain this to her, but then she starts an argument with me.

I’m in my 30s. I’ve just started a new job, I have a little child and I’m in a very important relationship, and the stress is just too much for me. I’ve tried explaining this to her too, but she doesn’t even seem to hear me.

I suggested she talk these things over with Dad, but she says she doesn’t want to stress him out, but she doesn’t seem to care if she stresses me out!

My boyfriend says I should just hang up on her when she starts to go on about something, but I don’t want to do that.

Queenie, how can I get her to let up on me?—Depressed

Dear Depressed,

Your mother apparently leans on you because you are the only one who will listen to her. But if it puts too much stress on you, you will have to learn to set some limits.

You could just hang up on her when she starts her complaints, but that would be rude and unfeeling.

Your best bet would be to set a time limit to her phone calls; say, three to five minutes. Set a timer or check your clock when you answer the phone. If the conversation is, by some miracle, pleasant, talk as long as you want to. If not, when the time is up, tell her you have to go and say goodbye.

Make some excuse if you feel you have to, such as another call coming in, someone at the door, you have to check the food cooking on the stove, the baby is getting into something; whatever you can think of. Or just say, “Sorry, Mom, I have to go now. Goodbye.” Then hang up.

And if she calls you back, say, “Sorry, Mom, I can’t talk now,” and don’t even let her get started before you hang up.

Dear Queenie,

I’ve been doing some yard work and other stuff for one of our neighbors. When she asked me to do the work she said she would pay me but she didn’t say how much and when I was done she said she didn’t have any cash and she’d pay me the next time I came.

But the next time I came she had to go out while I was still working and when I was done she still hadn’t come home and my mother said I couldn’t wait for her because we were going to visit my grandmother and I had to come home and get cleaned up.

I went back the next day but she said she didn’t know how much she owed me because she didn’t know when I went home, and she didn’t say anything about the money she still owed me for the time before.

Queenie, should I still go on working for her? And how do I get the money she already owes me?—Teenager

Dear Teenager,

Sit down with a pencil and a piece of paper and figure out how many hours you worked for this woman each day. If you have any friends who do similar work, ask them how much they get paid. Otherwise, ask your mother how much would be fair pay for the work you did.

Calculate how much she owes you and write it down on a piece of paper. Make two copies; one for you and one to give to the woman. Take this “bill” to the woman and ask her for your money. If she doesn’t agree with your calculations, ask her how much she thinks she owes you and write it down. Have her sign it for you, if you can persuade her to do so.

Then explain to her that you will not do any more work for her until she pays you for what you have done already. If she still won’t pay you, ask your parents to speak to her. If she still won’t pay and you are willing to take it so far, you could even ask the police to intervene on your behalf, but be aware that this would probably cause hard feelings.

Do not do any more work for this woman until she pays you what she owes. She is cheating you; there is no other way to say it. And be sure to tell anyone else you may see working in her yard about the problems you have had with her. They should be forewarned about the way she does business.

Dear Queenie,

I bet that many people say, “Forget that government-owned TelCell cell phone company. ‘All lines are busy. Please try your call later.’ I am going with another company for my cell phone.”

I say enough is enough. I switched a year ago, but it does not help when I can’t contact friends who have TelCell.

Don’t you agree, Queenie?—Frustrated phoner

Dear Frustrated phoner,

I know a lot of people who are not satisfied with TelCell’s service, but it is not always their fault.

You should direct your understandable anger and frustration at (sub)contractor(s) who are doing trenching work who keep damaging the other cables in the vicinity of where they are digging.

One would think they had learned their lesson after the first or second such incident, but that does not seem to be the case. It’s just a lucky thing when they don’t cut into a GEBE cable, or someone could be electrocuted!

Dear Queenie,

I met a man I thought was wonderful and we planned to be married. But when I moved in with him I found out that everything he told me was a lie.

He said he had no family, but I found out his parents are still alive and he has brothers and sisters on another island and six children he pays support for. He said he went to college, but he didn’t. He even lied about his age!

I love him, but I have serious doubts about marrying him.

Do you think I should go ahead with the wedding, Queenie?—Fiancée in doubt

Dear Fiancée in doubt,

My rule of thumb for questionable decisions is: When in doubt, don’t! And for dubious situations: When in doubt, get out! In this case, both would seem to apply.

One of the most important ingredients of a good marriage is trust, and you have already discovered that this man’s word is not to be trusted. Heaven knows what else he has lied about that you have not found out yet, like maybe a wife (or two or three) to go with those six children (are you sure there aren’t more?).

Dump this guy fast, before you find out he has lied about something that might get you into serious trouble, like a drug habit or criminal activity or a mountain of unpaid debts.