Dear Queenie,
My husband’s mother loves to go shopping and if she doesn’t need anything for herself she shops for gifts to give her grandchildren, not only for birthdays and Christmas, but all the time.
We live in a small house and we don’t have enough space for all the things she gives us.
Queenie, how can we get her to give us less?—Enough is enough
Dear Enough,
For some people, excessive shopping and/or gift-giving is a way to relieve anxiety or depression, or to buy love.
Thank your mother-in-law for her gifts and tell her you appreciate her thoughtfulness, but that you just do not have room for all the things she gives you, so you will donate the overflow to charity. Then do so.
Dear Queenie,
After my mother-in-law died my father-in-law gave my wife a lot of her mother’s clothes. Now he expects her to wear something of her dead mother’s whenever he sees us and he gets vexed if she doesn’t.
Queenie, is this strange, or what?—Grossed-out husband
Dear Husband,
If your wife strongly resembles her late mother, it is possible that seeing her dressed in her mother’s clothes is somehow comforting to her bereaved father.
I see no harm in catering to your father-in-law’s preference when you see him in private, providing the clothes are in wearable condition (if they are not they should be disposed of).
However, I would draw the line at your wife wearing these hand-me-downs when you are with your father-in-law in public for fear that if someone recognised them and their source the kind of comment it might draw would be upsetting to him and/or your wife.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend and I have been together for more than five years. We have said we want to spend the rest of our lives together, but agreed that we aren’t interested in getting married.
Now I think he’s planning to propose to me and I know I want to spend the rest of my life together with him, but thinking about all the headaches and problems of planning a wedding just scares me to death and I’m afraid things will change between us if we get married.
Queenie, what should I tell him if he proposes?—Scared of marriage
Dear Scared,
If the two of you are happy together and plan to spend the rest of your lives that way, why should you be afraid of making a formal commitment to do so?
If it is just the thought of planning a big, formal ceremony that scares you, why not plan to elope, or at least just have a small private wedding ceremony? If, later on, you regret having done so, you can always plan a big formal affair to celebrate a wedding anniversary.
Dear Queenie,
When someone pays me a compliment I always say, “Thank you.” My wife thinks that is not enough and you should say more, like if I tell her I enjoyed a meal she cooked, she thanks me and then goes on about how she is glad I liked it.
Queenie, is she right?—Compliment Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
You are both right. “Thank you” is a sufficient response to a compliment, but there is nothing wrong with adding a few appreciative words.
Dear Queenie,
I’m a high school student and I do very well in school because I read a lot and remember what I hear and read. However, my classmates do not like me because I do so much better than them and they call me names and play tricks on me.
Queenie, I can’t help being smart and I refuse to try to play dumb just to please the other kids.—Smart kid
Dear Smart kid,
It is not easy to be “different” from your peers, especially at your age. Perhaps you could find some friends by joining one or more special-interest groups of students older than yourself.
You could also make some friends by offering to help some of your contemporaries with their schoolwork. Just do not let them bully you into doing the work for them.
