Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend’s wife died a year or so before I met him and he never really got over losing her. I tried to be patient and understanding, but his family was very close to her and they kept putting things on Facebook that reminded him of her. I told them how it made him feel and asked them not to do it and when he found out about what I said he broke up with me.
Queenie, was what I did wrong?—Ex-girlfriend
Dear Ex-girlfriend,
It was not wrong, but it was not smart. Apparently your (ex-)boyfriend was still mourning for his lost wife and was not really ready to start getting involved with anyone else. He probably will always think of you in terms of what has happened, so I do not think you have any chance of getting back together with him when he is done mourning.
Dear Queenie,
I have a teenage son and I was afraid he would start having sex with his girlfriend so I tried to talk to him about being careful not to catch an STD or get her pregnant.
I know he is careful about money, so I also gave him an arithmetic problem to solve. I told him if he got a girl pregnant he would have to pay child support until the kid turned 18, which would be maybe $300 per month for 18 years – $300 per month times 12 months per year times 18 years = $64,800, and twice that much if the girl has twins. Then I told him that when he is with a girl he should think if it is worth that much to him to have sex with her.
Queenie, what do you think of my idea?—Not a grandfather yet
Dear Not a grandfather,
I think it is a highly original idea, and I hope it works well for you – and for the sons of any other parents who read my column.
Dear Queenie,
When my husband and I go out to eat with his parents they don’t talk to us much because they are too busy commenting on all the other people in the place and afterward they have nothing but complaints about the place being too noisy or too crowded or too hot or too cold or too dark, they didn’t like the way the food was prepared, the service was too slow – whatever.
This is not so much of a problem now, with all the COVID-19 restrictions, but hopefully that will be over before much longer.
I find their behavior very unpleasant and would rather not go out with them, but my husband says they are not going to change and I should just put up with it the best I can.
Queenie, what do you say?—Disgusted wife
Dear Wife,
They are your in-laws and you are stuck with them. You do not have to go out with them every time, but for your husband’s sake go occasionally and try to bear with them as pleasantly as you can.
Dear Queenie,
I drink too much when I don’t feel good. I try not to, but I like a clean house and my wife isn’t a very good housekeeper and when I come home to a messy house sometimes it gets me started drinking and I just can’t stop.
Queenie, what can I do besides moving out and getting a divorce?—Alcoholic husband
Dear Husband,
You could start by helping your wife with the housekeeping when it gets too messy, instead of drinking. Perhaps if you show her how to do a few things her housekeeping will improve.
As for your drinking, find and join a local Alcoholics Anonymous group.
Dear Queenie,
My cousin never takes her children to a doctor when they get sick, she just gives them some herbal tea and keeps them in bed. Also, she never finished high school and now with the on-line schooling she can’t help them keep up with their schoolwork.
Queenie, I think her children are not well taken care of. Is there anything I can do?—Worried about the kids
Dear Worried,
You could make an anonymous report to Child Protective Services or the local equivalent – in St. Maarten that would be the police Juvenile Department or the Court of Guardianship – and suggest an investigation. And if the children ever visit you, you can offer to help them with their schoolwork if their mother will allow it.
