Dear Queenie,

My boyfriend and I have been living together for 2 years and we’re beginning to plan our wedding. Our problem is this girl he works with. She knows we are living together and I’ve told her we are going to get married, but she keeps asking him to go out with her, like for dinner or a show or whatever.

I’ve told her and told her to leave him alone, but she keeps on asking.

Queenie, how can I get rid of her?—Angry fiancée

Dear Angry fiancée,

You can’t. Your fiancé will have to do it.

Of course she doesn’t pay any attention to what you say. To her, you are just the jealous girlfriend of a guy in whom she is interested.

It is up to your fiancé to tell her he is not interested and to leave him alone, and I am wondering why he hasn’t done so already. Perhaps you should be wondering too.

Dear Queenie,

My teenage son came home from school the other day and told me he had met his grandmother on the road and she hit him for no reason and then made him get in the car so she could drive him home.

It’s not the first time she has done it. She has hit him other times when I wasn’t around. She wouldn’t dare do it when I could see! She used to treat her own children like this and they don’t want anything to do with her anymore. Now my boy is beginning to hate his grandmother too for the way she treats him.

Queenie, what is the best way to handle this? I don’t want to have to keep my kids away from their grandmother.—Angry parent

Dear Angry parent,

I do not like to recommend keeping children and grandparents apart, but abusive behaviour cannot be tolerated.

Make it clear to her that if it happens again you will file a formal complaint with the police for assault and/or child abuse. Then, if necessary, do it!

You could also try to make her understand that her abuse has driven her children away from her and now she is about to lose her grandchildren as well, and suggest she get some counselling on anger management. You might get some literature on the subject from Safe Haven and give it to her.

However, I do not hold out much hope that she will heed your advice. Abusers usually blame everyone else for the results of their own behaviour.

Dear Queenie,

I would like to comment about your column about the thrifty husband.

I also have a husband who won’t spend much on groceries because he says they finish too fast.

Imagine – we have a daughter who just started high school and he prefers to buy her a sandwich instead of buying groceries so she can make sandwiches.

When I shop he doesn’t complain, but when he has to shop it’s a different story.—Fed up

Dear Fed up,

Does your daughter waste a lot of food when she makes a sandwich? Unless she does, it costs your husband more to buy a ready-made sandwich than the food your daughter would have used would have cost him. After all, when you buy ready-made food you have to pay for the labour that went into making it and the profit the maker wants to get, in addition to the cost of the ingredients.

Has your husband really considered the comparative costs?

And when he does the shopping does he buy enough food to feed his family adequately, or do you also have to do some shoppipng to make up the difference?

Dear Queenie,

I’m 13 and there is this boy I like a lot. I want to invite him for dinner or something so my parents can get to know him, but my mother won’t let me because she says I’m too young to be interested in boys and I can’t start dating until I’m at least 16, so what’s the point?

Queenie, I don’t want to date him, I just want to be friends and maybe when I’m older we can go out, but how can I get my mother to understand?—Still Mama’s little girl

Dear Mama’s little girl,

At 13 you are old enough to start being interested in boys, but your mother is probably hoping that if she says “no” she can put the issue off for a while. Big mistake! You are also approaching the age when most children start to feel independent and to rebel against too many restrictions.

A parent who is too strict is almost begging his/her teenager to sneak around behind his/her back. A better approach is to allow a limited amount of freedom with certain conditions attached.

Your wish to have your parents meet this boy and get to know him is admirable and shows a maturity beyond your years. Your willingness to wait to start going out with him speaks well for you as well.

Your mother would be wise to allow you to see him in your home when she is present and where she can supervise your relationship. Perhaps by the time you are ready to start dating, she will have learned to trust your sense of responsibility. You can tell her what I have said, perhaps by showing her this column.