Dear Queenie,
A few months ago I broke up with my boyfriend, because he was accusing me of sleeping with other men. We had a huge argument and he told me never to call him or think about him again.
I told him that I would like to be friends, but he said no. He told me to erase his number from my phone and forget about him. He called me names and told me I was a whore.
Recently, he came over and asked my cousin to call me. When I came out, he asked me to step into the car. In the car, he asked my forgiveness and to be my friend. I accepted. Then he asked to be my boyfriend again. He told me that he loved me and he never stopped loving me. I thought about it for a while and I said yes.
Queenie, I really still love him and I wanted this day to come around for a long time now. Do you think I'm being fooled again or do you think he wants to try to make it work?—Still in love!
Dear Still in love,
I’m all for giving people second chances, but I have serious reservations about anyone who could treat you the way he did, ignore you for months and still say he loves you. (I am assuming, of course, that his accusations were totally unfounded.)
If you decide to give him that second chance, make it clear that the first time he even hints that you might be cheating on him, you are finished with him forever. No third chance. Then stick to that decision.
Remember the old saying, “Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me” (once, in this case, being his recent apology).
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend wants me to have sex with him but he says he’ll wait till I’m ready. Well, I’m ready, but I don’t know what to tell my mother. I always tell her everything and if I try to keep a secret from her she can always tell and keeps after me until I tell her.
Queenie, what should I do? I’m 15.—Another teenager in love
Dear Another teenager in love,
If you don’t know what to tell your mother, you’re probably not really ready to have sex. If you were mature enough to have sex, you wouldn’t have a problem with talking to your mother about it.
The best thing you can do at this point is tell your boyfriend you want to wait a while longer. No one has ever written to me saying she was sorry she waited to have sex, but I have had plenty of letters from girls who didn’t wait and wished they had.
Meanwhile, ask your mother about safe sex, if she hasn’t already had that talk with you. If you don’t feel comfortable asking her or if she can’t answer your questions, check out the American Social Health Association’s special Website for teenagers www.iwannaknow.org .
Dear Queenie,
I have a problem. I can’t come to a sexual climax unless my partner puts his hands around my neck and starts to choke me. It’s only for a few seconds, and I never black out or anything, but it’s definitely scary to a lot of guys.
Have you ever heard of this sort of thing before?
Queenie, do I need professional help?—For the thrill
Dear For the thrill,
Yes, I have heard of this sort of thing, but I certainly don’t recommend it.
I also don’t recommend having sex with “a lot of guys.” Sooner or later you’re going to meet up with one who doesn’t stop choking you until you black out and Heaven only knows what he might do to you while you’re unconscious.
I suggest you find other, less dangerous way to get your thrills.
As to whether you need professional help, only you can be the judge of that. However, the fact that you think you might suggests that it would be a good idea to try, if only by getting a professional opinion in the matter.
Dear Queenie,
There’s this guy at school that I’ve liked for a long time and he finally asked me to go out with him. My problem is that my best friend has liked this guy for a long time too and they used to hang out sometimes, but this guy told his friend that I know too that he’s not really interested in her except as a friend.
Now my best friend thinks I’m stealing this guy from her and I can’t explain to her that I’m not because she won’t listen. I’m so happy that he is finally interested in me, but I don’t want to lose my best girlfriend.
I didn’t get mad when he was hanging out with her and I don’t think it’s right that she should get mad at me now.
Queenie, what do you think?—Teenager in love
Dear Teenager in love,
I think it’s not right, but it is natural.
Possibly if you wait a while before you go out with this guy your girlfriend will calm down, but of course, by then he may have lost interest in you.
You are probably going to have to choose between dating this guy and preserving your friendship with your girlfriend. I hope whichever one you choose is worth it.
Dear Queenie,
My cat likes to sleep on the foot of my bed at night, but my boyfriend doesn’t want her in the room when he sleeps over. He says he is afraid she might scratch him. I keep telling him she won’t, but he is still afraid of her.
One time after we were making love, she came up behind him and started sniffing between his legs. She didn’t scratch or anything, but I guess her whiskers tickled him or something and he nearly jumped out of his skin and I couldn’t stop laughing.
Queenie, don’t you think he’s being unreasonable?—Cat lover
Dear Cat lover,
If you haven’t already figured it out, his private parts are a very sensitive subject for a man.
I suggest you keep the cat out of the bedroom when your boyfriend sleeps over, or find another boyfriend who loves cats as much as you do and maybe isn’t as ticklish as this one; your choice.
