Fed-up wife

Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have been married for almost 30 years. He is a good provider and was a good father to our kids, who are now all grown up and out on their own and doing very well for themselves.
My husband likes to go out and socialize with whoever is there where he goes, which is usually a bar or someplace where they are serving liquor and then he drinks too much and when he comes home we end up fighting about how much he drank and how dangerous it is for him to be driving in that condition.
He thinks he is not abusive because he doesn’t hurt me physically in any way, but he doesn’t realize how mentally and emotionally cruelly he treats me.
We have tried to go for counselling, but he makes things look like I am the only one with a problem.
Queenie, I don’t want a divorce, but I just can’t let things go on like this. What to do?—Fed-up wife

Dear Wife,
Has your husband always been a “social drinker”? Have things changed – gotten worse since your children grew up and left home, or have you become more critical of your husband now that you do not have the children to focus on?
If he is constantly drunk, contact Al-Anon (on-line at
al-anon.alateen.org if necessary) for help in learning to deal with him. But if the problem is just that he has a social life while you are stuck lonely at home missing your now-adult children, get involved in some interesting outside activities – volunteer with some non-profit organisation, for example – make some new friends and keep busy.
You can also go back for counselling without your husband, to help you figure out what all your possibilities are.

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