Dear Queenie,
My wife and I have 3 grown-up children and two are doing all right, but one is a problem. His wife divorced him for cheating on her and since then he can’t keep a proper job.
He lives with us and depends on us to support him. He does get a few odd jobs here and there, but he spends all the money he earns on things like booze and possibly drugs.
My wife and I are both on pension and we can’t afford to support him entirely, but instead of him giving us money for at least his food, my wife keeps giving him money whenever he asks for it.
We just can’t go on this way and I am seriously considering getting divorced. At least with my pension I could manage to support myself.
Queenie, what to do?—Distressed dad
Dear Dad,
As long as your wife keeps giving your son money he will never have any reason to try to support himself. This is called “enabling.” It is keeping your son dependent and he will never change unless and until your wife shuts off the money faucet.
If you cannot convince her that she is doing your son no favour by supporting him this way, you will either have to accept this situation as it is or walk out.
Professional counselling might help you with your decision, and if you can convince your wife to go with you, so much the better.
