Dear Queenie,
My mother had me when she was in high school and had to raise me alone. She has always told me she doesn’t want me to get pregnant too young and have kids without a father to help raise them.
Now my boyfriend and I have started having sex and I don’t know whether to tell her. We’re not going to make a baby, we’re just having sex.
I have always been able to talk to her about anything, but I’m afraid she will start going on about me being too young and not knowing what I am doing.
Queenie, should I tell her?—Not a virgin
Dear Not a virgin,
Yes, you should tell her. Absolutely!
What in heaven’s name do you think you mean when you say, “We’re not going to make a baby, we’re just having sex”? What else on earth do you think it takes to make a baby?
Your mother may be disappointed in you, even angry, but it is vital that you be examined by a doctor and be taught how to protect yourself from becoming pregnant and from catching sexually transmitted diseases.
You must also learn how to protect yourself from boys who will try to pressure you into having sex when you don’t want to, and from being swept by your own raging hormones into having sex when you don’t intend to.
Tell your mother at once, and listen to what she says. She learned these lessons the hard way and is trying to protect you from going through what she did.
Dear Queenie,
My elderly mother has discovered the Internet and is drowning me in e-mails. She sends as many as 6 a day. These are not personal messages, they are jokes, articles, urban legends and stuff like that.
I don’t want to hurt her feelings, but I work and I have young children and I just don’t have time to read them all.
Queenie, how can I get her to cool it?—Going under for the third time
Dear Going under,
She may think you enjoy all these items as much as she enjoys sharing them with you. You could tell her – gently – what you have told me.
But there is really no need to tell her anything. You are under no obligation to read all her messages, any more than you are obliged to read every piece of junk mail the postman delivers. Open the ones that look interesting and delete the rest. If you have time, respond to one of them each day, just to let her know you are thinking of her too.
Dear Queenie,
When I graduated high school I moved out of my parents’ house because I wanted to live on my own while I was going to college. I work 2 part-time jobs to pay my expenses and tuition at University of St. Martin, but it’s just not enough money and I’m tired all the time and it’s affecting my grades.
I asked my parents if I could move back in with them and they said okay, but they would expect me to obey the same rules as before I moved out, when I was still in high school, like I have do chores and I have to tell them when I’m going out and I have to be in by a certain hour and I have to tell them where I’m going and who I’m going with.
Queenie, this isn’t fair. I’m grown up now and I shouldn’t be expected to live by rules for kids! How can I make them understand this?—Independent
Dear Independent,
You claim to be an independent adult, but you want your parents to provide you with food and shelter as they did when you were a child? I think you still have some growing up to do!
“There ain’t no such thing as a free lunch,” honey. If you can’t pay your own way, you will have to abide by the rules of the people who pay it for you. It’s their house and their money; they have the right to expect you to help with the work around the house and to set the conditions of your living there, especially as you are no longer a child.
Dear Queenie,
My husband doesn’t brush his teeth every day and he hasn’t gone to a dentist once in all the years we’ve been married. His breath is always foul and it sure doesn’t put me in a mood to get close to him.
Also, he hasn’t had a raise or promotion at work for as long as I have known him and I’m willing to bet it’s because his boss and his co-workers can’t stand his breath either and maybe even the customers have complained.
I’ve tried to talk to him about this, not about work, but about how his bad breath makes me feel, and he nods and says he understands and then he doesn’t do anything different.
Queenie, what more can I do?—Holding my nose
Dear Holding my nose,
Try eating garlic or limburger cheese every night and see how he likes it.
Tell him if he doesn’t brush his teeth before he comes to bed, he can darn well sleep in the other room.
Buy nose plugs (they make them for swimmers) or a well-fitted clothespin and wear them/it to bed every night.
Seriously, there is more to your problem than your husband’s bad breath. There is also his lack of respect for your feelings. Insist on marriage counselling to find out why your husband doesn’t care if he offends you – or even does it deliberately.
If he won’t go with you, go alone, if only to find out why you put up with his boorishness and learn how to deal with it, and him.
Dear Queenie,
I am a 14-year-old girl and I got stuck between two friends. We were all good friends 5 years ago but then got split up, and they became better friends.
Last year I became good friends with them again but they seem to be growing apart now. One somewhat bad-talks the other and the other doesn’t really care.
They don’t argue, they talk a little but not as much as they used to. They went through their pre-teens and puberty and everything together and then I come in their teen years and it’s all ruined.
I feel responsible, Queenie. Am I?—Responsible
Dear Responsible,
No, you are not. Relationships change as the years pass, as you yourself have described. It has nothing to do with you. It’s because people, especially children, change as they grow older and their interests, likes and dislikes change also.
It’s nice when childhood friendships last into adulthood, but it’s usually not anyone’s fault when they don’t. It’s just a natural part of growing up.
