Dear Queenie,
Some months ago I told my husband if he didn’t stop drinking I was going to divorce him. I also stopped going anywhere with him when he was drinking because he would always insist on driving and I was scared to be in the car with him, and I told him he couldn’t take the children anywhere when he was drinking for the same reason.
He said he would stop drinking, but now I find out that he is still drinking when I’m not around, but he bribes the children not to tell me.
His mother says I can’t kick him out and stop the children from seeing him because it wouldn’t be fair to deprive them of a good father and I have to admit that he is a good father except for the drinking.
Queenie, what else can I do?—Drinking man’s wife
Dear Drinking man’s wife,
A “good father” doesn’t endanger his children’s lives by taking them in the car with him when he has been drinking. A “good father” doesn’t do things behind his wife’s back that he has promised her he won’t do, and then bribe his children to lie to her about what he has been doing.
Ask your mother-in-law whether she is willing to risk seeing her grandchildren crippled or dead in an auto accident rather than deprive them of a father who drinks and drives, lies about it, and bribes them to keep his lies a secret.
Then consult a lawyer.
It is possible that the shock of having you actually take action will persuade your husband to do something about his drinking. I hope so, for your sake and your children’s. If he shapes up, all well and good, but even so, both of you are going to need a lot of help.
I don’t know if there is a local chapter of Al-Anon, the support organisation for relatives of alcoholics, but the local chapter of Alcoholics Anonymous will be able to tell you. The Women’s Desk can also help you find support in what is going to be a trying time.
