Dear Queenie,
My daughter and her young son live with me. She doesn’t have a job and I am just as happy to have her at home with her son because I remember how it was when she was a child and I had to spend all day at a job and she didn’t get to see me very much.
I can afford to support my daughter and my grandson, but the problem is the boy’s father wants to move in with them. He is not a very good person and can’t keep a job and expects me to help support him too which I don’t want to do.
I told him not to come to my house – if he wants to see my daughter and his son he should arrange to see them somewhere else – but he still keeps on coming by and expecting to come in.
Queenie, what more can I do about all this?—Angry mother
Dear Mother,
First of all, make sure your daughter will be able to support herself and her son if/when the time comes that you cannot do so.
Also, make sure that when you are not at home there is someone there (besides your daughter) who can and will prevent your grandson’s father from coming in.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have two children we adopted when they were babies. We don’t talk about this much (we will explain it to the children when they are older) but sometimes it comes up in a conversation and the other person asks questions about how it came about, what happened to their real parents, and we don’t want to answer them, especially if the kids are around to hear.
Queenie, what’s a good (polite) way to shut the other person up?—Not their real parents
Dear Parents,
You are your children’s “real” parents because you are raising them, you just are not their “birth” parents.
Just tell such rude people – politely – that the story is too long to tell right now, “but aren’t we lucky to have such beautiful children?”
Dear Queenie,
A relative of mine died recently and a lot of people sent flowers to the funeral. One of the bouquets didn’t have a card with it so we don’t know who sent it.
Queenie, does this kind of thing happen often? Why do people do it? Is it bad manners to do it?—Funeral Flower Etty Ket
Dear Etty Ket,
It can easily happen that the card is sent with a bouquet of flowers but gets lost before or even after the flowers are delivered. If you have any idea what florist delivered the flowers, you can ask them who sent the bouquet. Otherwise, a general “thank you” message for everyone who sent flowers should reach the ones who sent the “anonymous” bouquet.
Dear Queenie,
I’m going to have a baby and my mother-in-law keeps commenting on how fat I’m getting and keeps asking me how much weight I’ve put on.
According to my doctor I’ve gained a normal amount of weight and my pregnancy is going normally.
Queenie, what’s a good way to answer her?—Mother-to-be
Dear Mother-to-be,
When you answer your mother-in-law’s questions, start by saying “My doctor says …” and finish by saying “My doctor says the baby is doing well.” Then change the subject.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend always leaves big tips for the waiter (or waitress) when we go out to eat – I mean, like $10 for just a couple of cups of coffee, and then he brags about how generous he is. Sometimes it gets kind of annoying.
Queenie, should I say anything about it?—Big spender’s girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
If your boyfriend is well-to-do and can afford this generosity, do not say anything. Just hope he will be as generous to you on occasions like your birthday and Christmas and then thank him profusely.
However, you might ask him if he has ever consulted a professional financial consultant to help him plan for the future.
