Dear Queenie,
I have a condition that makes me have to use a cane for walking. Lots of times someone will ask me if I’m OK, which I don’t mind, but then some of them will ask me what my problem is.
Queenie, is there such a thing as a polite way to tell them to MYOB?—Disabled Etty Ket

Dear Etty Ket,
When someone asks whether you are okay, thank them for their concern. But if they go on to ask you what your problem is, ask them in return (as politely as you can manage), “Why would you ask me such a personal question?” and walk away.

Dear Queenie,
My husband died in a traffic accident several years ago after many wonderful years of marriage. I will always grieve for him, but I miss the companionship of marriage and am starting to think about finding someone else to share my life with. However, my son thinks this would be disrespecting his father’s memory.
Queenie, how can I convince him that he is wrong?—Lonely widow

Dear Widow,
Far from being “disrespectful”, you are paying tribute to the happiness your husband gave you.
Try to reassure your son that nobody will ever replace his father, but that you hope to find again the comfort and companionship that comes with sharing your life with a “significant other” person.

Dear Queenie,
Some friends of mine have awful table manners. They take huge bites of food and don’t keep their mouths closed when they chew the food. They put their elbows on the table to lean on them and keep their faces close to their plates.
They have lunch with people they work with who I think must have noticed their terrible table manners. I would think their bosses would have noticed and customers will have seen it too if they eat with them.
They are basically very nice people, but their awful table manners might be keeping other people from wanting to get to know them and could be keeping them from getting ahead in their jobs or could even keep them from getting a job if they happen to eat something where a prospective employer could see it.
Queenie, is there anything I could do to help them learn better?—Disgusted friend

Dear Friend,
This is a very sensitive matter, because your friends will probably be offended if you try to correct their manners.
Perhaps you and several other friends could get together, with the offenders present, and talk in general about what you were taught about table manners, without specifically pointing a finger at anyone.
Also, I have often thought that it is so easy these days to record something that offends you and show it to the offender so that they can see for themself how they look to other people, but that is a rather drastic action to take.

Dear Queenie,
My wife is always accusing me of cheating on her. She claims she has proof, but that’s impossible because it never happened.
I tried to get her to go with me for marriage counselling, but she won’t go because she says it’s the counsellors who make you crazy. Instead, she keeps threatening to leave me because of what she thinks I did.
Queenie, how can I get her to see the truth?—Unhappy husband

Dear Husband,
I doubt you can convince your wife she is wrong or get her to “see the truth”. I suspect she already knows the truth, but prefers not to believe it – or perhaps accusing you of infidelity is a trick she uses to keep you from noticing what she herself has been up to.
I think you might be lucky if she actually ever leaves you and you are freed of her false suspicions and punitive behaviour.