Dear Queenie,
I was dating a man for a while that I thought I was in love with, but he had to go to another island for his job and I wouldn’t take my children away from all our family, so the relationship ended. Later I found out that this man had a criminal record for molesting little children, so I guess I got lucky.
But now I’m afraid to date anyone else in case I get involved with another bad guy.
Queenie, how can you tell about someone before you get involved with them?—Scared to try
Dear Scared,
You can learn a lot about someone these days by going online and checking them out, but that does not guarantee you will know everything you need to know about them.
It is better to meet men (and women) through personal introductions from people you know well and can trust, but it is still a good idea to take your time getting to know them well.
Dear Queenie,
My kid brother is a teenager. He lives with me because our dad beats up our mother when he gets drunk and I wanted to get him away from all that. Now I found out that he (my brother) drinks liquor and smokes marijuana and takes painkiller medicine he doesn’t need just because he likes the way it makes him feel.
When I try to tell him these things are bad for him he says I’m a hypocrite because I used to do them myself.
Queenie, how can I make him understand what I’m trying to tell him?—Worried big brother
Dear Brother,
Try to explain to your brother the problems these things caused for you and why you stopped using/doing them.
Also, try to get professional counselling for your brother. Your family doctor and/or your brother’s school counsellor should be able to help you with that.
Dear Queenie,
My daughter just got engaged but they haven’t decided yet when they will get married. Her father and I have been married for almost 30 years and we want to celebrate that special anniversary but we can’t afford a big anniversary celebration along with a big expensive wedding.
Queenie, can we ask them not to have the wedding until at least a year after our special anniversary or to pay for the wedding themselves?—Parents of the bride-to-be
Dear Parents,
Many couples have looong engagements and many pay for the wedding themselves. Talk this over with the happy couple to find out what they are planning and explain that you will not be able to help pay for their wedding if it is any time soon.
Or, you might want to consider combining the two celebrations. Somehow it seems to me that your daughter’s wedding is an appropriate anniversary gift for her parents.
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend is a lot older than me, old enough to be my father. In fact, even his children are older than me and we are uncomfortable with each other when we get together.
Queenie, how can I get them to think of me as part of the family?—Much younger girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
There is not much you can do about your boyfriend’s children’s attitude. It is up to their father to make it clear to his children that he expects them to treat you like part of the family and if they do not, they will be seeing less of him.
Dear Queenie,
My parents both cheated on each other, but they stayed together until my sister and I were grown up and then they got divorced. My sister only knows about Mom’s affair, so she blames Mom for the divorce and doesn’t want to have anything to do with her, and Mom just bad-talks Dad and won’t tell her the truth.
I would like for my family to get along with each other so we can get together on special occasions and have a good time for a little while, or at least be civil to each other.
Queenie, should I explain to my sister about Mom’s part in their divorce?—Older brother
Dear Older brother,
Your mother probably could benefit from professional counselling, if you can first convince her that she needs it and then persuade her to actually get it.
Your sister deserves to know the whole truth about your parents’ divorce, so by all means tell her and hope she believes you. She also might benefit from counselling, because I think she will need help learning to cope with your mother’s various deceits.
