Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have 3 kids. I try to be reasonably strict with them about things like what food they eat and what they can watch on TV and what time they go to bed, but my husband lets them eat whatever junk food they want and stay up until all hours watching anything and everything on TV.
Then he says the kids don’t listen to what he tells them so I have to make them do what they are told.
Queenie, I don’t like being “mean Mommy”. Is there anything I can do about it?—Mean Mommy
Dear Mommy,
Your husband apparently does not understand the responsibilities of parenthood. Are parenting classes available where you live, or can you get your husband a book on good parenting or perhaps arrange for him to have some sessions with an expert on good parenting? Perhaps even his own parents could explain some of this to him.
Dear Queenie,
When I found out my daughter and her boyfriend were having sex with each other, I made sure they know about “safe sex” and gave them some condoms. Pretty soon – a lot too soon – my daughter asked me for more and when I asked how they could have run out so fast she told me she had been sharing them with her girlfriends.
Queenie, condoms aren’t cheap and much as I want to help prevent an unwanted pregnancy, I don’t want to be supplying them for other people’s children. What should I do?—Worried Mother
Dear Mother,
Youngsters who are old enough to be having sex are not children anymore, and should be responsible for their own behaviour and the possible results thereof. Refer them to whatever organisation(s) in your community deal with and provide information about safe sex.
Dear Queenie,
I’m 20 years old, halfway through my college education, and my boyfriend just proposed to me. We both live with our parents and attend college (different schools) and we have been going together since high school.
I accepted his proposal, but now I’m beginning to wonder if that was what I should have done.
Queenie, I was thinking of going to graduate school to get an advanced degree and maybe even studying abroad for a while, but how can I do that if we get married?—Having second thoughts
Dear Having Second Thoughts,
Does your boyfriend (fiancé) know that you were thinking about going abroad to continue your education? If so, he may have been afraid of losing you if you went away for awhile and he proposed to keep that from happening.
Tell him you love him and you are not trying to break up with him, but you want to postpone your official engagement until you return home from studying abroad. Reassure him that you will keep in close touch while you are away and you can make the engagement official when you return home.
Dear Queenie,
I have been sick recently and I still haven’t completely recovered. It wasn’t anything contagious, but I still haven’t got all my strength back.
The problem is my husband’s family wants to come and visit for about a week and I just don’t feel strong enough to deal with guests staying in our home, but my husband doesn’t want to ask them to stay at a hotel.
Queenie, maybe I should go to a hotel while they’re here? What do you think?—Unwilling hostess
Dear Hostess,
I assume your husband’s family knows about your recent illness, but if not, they should be told right away. It should also be explained to them that you are still recovering and therefore they are requested to plan to stay somewhere else, not in your home, for the sake of your good health.
If they cannot (or will not) do so, then I agree that you should arrange to stay somewhere else while they are visiting and spend only as much time with them as your medical condition will allow, again making it clear to them that you are not just trying to avoid them.
Dear Queenie,
I have a job that keeps me busy all day and after work all I want to do is rest. However, I have a friend who is a non-working mother who feels free to call me to chat any time she feels like it. Sometimes when I am at work I can take time out to talk to her, but sometimes I just have too much work to do or I’m doing something that has to get done right away, and at night sometimes I’m just too tired to talk to her.
Queenie, how do I make her understand?—Working woman
Dear Working woman,
Believe me, all mothers are “working women” – taking care of their child(ren) and their homes – even if they do not have paid outside employment.
As for your friend, when you are too tired or too busy to chat feel free to tell her so (politely, please) and cut the conversation short, or, if you know she is the one who is calling you, to just not answer the phone.
