Dear Queenie,
My mother is on pension and buys all her food when it is on sale and sometimes she keeps it in her fridge so long it actually gets moldy but she still eats it.
I have tried to get her to throw things out when they start to spoil, but she won’t listen.
Queenie, it’s not as if she can’t afford to do better. How can I make her understand that this isn’t healthy?—Worried son
Dear Son,
Your mother probably grew up in a family with very limited income and learned this habit when she was growing up. Perhaps her doctor can explain to her how unhealthy this habit is, and perhaps you can help her change by going food-shopping with her or by doing it for her. And if you do that, do not buy so much at one time that she will have it left over long enough to start spoiling.
Dear Queenie,
I was married for more than 20 years to a man who was emotionally abusive. After going into therapy I came to understand what he was doing to me and I got a divorce.
Now someone I have known as a friend for many years has asked me out, but I’m not sure if it would be okay to start dating him.
Queenie, what do you say?—Can’t decide
Dear Can’t decide,
I say take things slowly. If you have been unhappy for so long, feeling happy again can be a real “upper”. Talk it over with your therapist and see what he (or she) thinks, and how he/she suggests you handle such a situation.
Dear Queenie,
Our daughter is on her cell phone all the time texting, even late at night when she should be sleeping and then she can’t wake up in the morning and when she finally gets up it takes her forever to get dressed because she’s on her phone all the time. We have to take her phone away to get her to do her homework.
Queenie, what can we do?—Worried parents
Dear Parents,
You have to set limits on your daughter’s cell phone use and, if necessary, enforce those limits by taking her phone away from her when she does not abide by them – for example, at bedtime and homework-time.
And I hope you do not let her take her cell phone with her when she goes to school.
Dear Queenie,
I have met a man I like very much and he claims to like me too, and we get along really well and both like all the same things, but I worry about getting in a relationship with him because he admits that he has never been faithful to any woman he was with, not even when he was married.
He says that he is happier with me than he has ever been before and that he would never cheat on me, but I find it hard to believe him.
Queenie, what do you think?—Undecided girlfriend
Dear Girlfriend,
I too find it hard to believe that this man would never cheat on you. You will have to decide whether you are willing to put up with such behaviour if you stay with him, because it is not likely that he will change.
Dear Queenie,
My father is an alcoholic, cheated on my mother several times and used to abuse me. Now he has been arrested for possession of child pornography and may get sent to prison. My mother never even tried to protect me from him and now she still doesn’t believe he has done anything seriously wrong.
My husband and I have a baby girl and we think we have to protect her from my father even if that means from my mother too, even if it means cutting off from them entirely, but some of the rest of my family don’t agree with that.
Queenie, what do you think?—Worried baby-mama
Dear Baby-mama,
I think your first concern should be your child’s welfare, even if it means cutting your parents out of her (and your) life. As for your other relatives, you cannot please everyone, and, as I said, your child’s welfare must come first.
