Dear Queenie,
I found out my boyfriend has been making passes at my mother. You understand, he's my age, not an older man.
I tried to talk to him about it because it's making all of us uncomfortable. He claims he's in love with me and only me, but he still hugs her all the time and asks her out, and once he even tried to kiss her and it wasn't like a son or son-in-law.
Queenie, how can I make him stop without losing him?—Feeling weird
Dear Feeling weird,
I can't help wondering if this crazy letter is for real, or a figment of the imagination(s) of a (bunch of) adolescent(s) who are trying to take me for the proverbial ride.
Assuming for the sake of argument that your letter is on the up-and-up, I have a better question for you: why do you want to keep this jerk? He has already given you a sample of what you can expect from him if you stay together: he will cheat on you every chance he gets, even with your own mother if she would let him.
As for stopping him, dump him. And if that doesn't do the trick, it's up to your mother – perhaps with your father's help – to set this creep straight and send him on his way. And if they can't manage to do the job, file a complaint of harassment with the police and let them take care of the problem.
Dear Queenie,
When our daughter got divorced she demanded that we not have anything to do with her ex or his family ever again.
We still like her ex and have been friends with his parents since before he and our daughter got married (that's how they met). We don't want to lose these friends just because our daughter went through a bad time with their son. But we don't want to be on the outs with our daughter either.
Queenie, what should we do?—Confused
Dear Confused,
Talk this over with your daughter. Explain your relationship with her former in-laws and try to make her understand that her problems with her ex have nothing to do with it.
If that doesn't work, you will have to choose between your daughter and your friends. Good luck.
Dear Queenie,
I have a very busy schedule with schoolwork and a part-time job. I have an adequate social life but nobody special.
All my friends are in serious relationships and some are even married and have started families. I'm starting to worry that I'm missing out on life and may end up an old maid if I don't find someone soon.
Queenie, what do you advise?—Feeling lonely
Dear Feeling lonely,
I advise you not to rush into anything just because all your friends are doing it. That is the worst possible reason for tying yourself down to something you may wind up regretting.
In the first place, youthful relationships often do not last. If you commit yourself to someone just for the sake of not being alone, the relationship may end in a painful break-up/divorce. Better to take it slowly and meet as many people as you can, until you find a truly compatible partner with whom you can happily spend the rest of your life. Desperation can lead one into making foolish choices.
Finally, there are worse things than being an "old maid." Being on your own gives you a chance to fully develop your own personality and abilities, without having to limit your horizons because of someone else's needs and/or expectations. And in the end, it may make you more attractive to the kind of person who can meet your needs and expectations.
Dear Queenie,
My husband and I have been married for a year and are very happy. Our only problem is my 15-year-old sister.
She has a big crush on my husband and keeps pestering him with phone calls, text messages and e-mails. She even had the gall to tell him I was cheating on him, which he knows was a lie, and that if he ever wants a "real woman" he should call her.
I know my husband loves me and doesn't want anything to do with my kid sister, and I don't want to be mean to her, but I don't know how to make her stop what she is doing.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Angry wife
Dear Angry wife,
It isn't up to you to make your sister stop. That is up to your husband. He should tell her to stop bothering him, because he already has a "real woman" – you.
Then he should block her calls and turn over her text messages and e-mails to her parents, because they should know what she is up to and take measures to get her under control before she does something really stupid.
It may seem mean, but in the long run it's for her own good.
