Dear Queenie,
My husband and I are separated, but we haven't decided yet whether we're going to get a divorce or get back together.
Meanwhile, I have been dating and so has he, and a couple of times I have had sex with someone I went out with and I suppose my husband has too. My mother says if we have sex with anyone but each other it is adultery.
Queenie, is she right?—Not quite free yet
Dear Not quite,
Yes, your mother is correct. A legal separation often implies that the parties are free to start dating others, but an informal separation, which is what you seem to be describing, is another matter.
However, as long as you are still married, even though you are separated, having sex with anyone other than your spouse is considered adultery – and could be grounds for divorce if you did not have any grounds before.
Dear Queenie,
My wife died some time ago and there’s this woman I had an affair with a long time ago whose husband is now in a nursing home with Alzheimer’s. She stayed with him to try to make up for the affair and I’ve been told she goes to visit him every day even though he doesn’t even recognise her anymore.
Queenie, would it be okay for me to get in touch with her? Maybe send her a sympathy card? I still have feelings for her and maybe she feels the same about me.—Lonely widower
Dear Lonely widower,
Apparently your old flame is still in love with her husband and still trying to make amends for cheating on him so long ago. It would be okay to send a sympathy card, but not to take things any further. You will know from her response, if any, how she feels about you.
Dear Queenie,
My wife cheated on me with a family friend and lied to everybody about how I mistreated her and they believed her.
We got divorced and she married the guy she cheated with and they won’t even let me see my children.
I can’t stand it here anymore, but if I move away I will lose my job and all contact with my kids.
Queenie, what should I do?—All alone
Dear All alone,
If you move away your children might feel abandoned. At least if you are here they will know you are trying to see them and perhaps with legal help you can force your ex to let you do so. I hope you will consider their feelings when you make your final decision.
Dear Queenie,
My wife died some time ago and there’s this woman I had an affair with a long time ago whose husband is now in a nursing home with Alzheimer’s. She stayed with him to try to make up for the affair and I’ve been told she goes to visit him every day even though he doesn’t even recognise her anymore.
Queenie, would it be okay for me to get in touch with her? Maybe send her a sympathy card? I still have feelings for her and maybe she feels the same about me.—Lonely widower
Dear Lonely widower,
Apparently your old flame is still in love with her husband and still trying to make amends for cheating on him so long ago. It would be okay to send a sympathy card, but not to take things any further. You will know from her response, if any, how she feels about you.
Dear Queenie,
My wife cheated on me with a family friend and lied to everybody about how I mistreated her and they believed her.
We got divorced and she married the guy she cheated with and they won’t even let me see my children.
I can’t stand it here anymore, but if I move away I will lose my job and all contact with my kids.
Queenie, what should I do?—All alone
Dear All alone,
If you move away your children might feel abandoned. At least if you are here they will know you are trying to see them and perhaps with legal help you can force your ex to let you do so. I hope you will consider their feelings when you make your final decision.
