Dear Queenie,
I just found out that my fiancé made a baby with another woman before we met. The way I found out was that she came knocking at our door demanding to see him.
Now she comes around whenever she feels like it and is very rude to me, and I found out she has been bad-mouthing me behind my back too.
Queenie, what should I do? Should I stick with him?—Harassed
Dear Harassed,
Why does this woman keep coming around? Is it just to harass you, or is it because your fiancé is not paying child support?
If it is the former, there are ways to deal with such a situation. A lawyer can advise you about your legal options.
However, if it is the latter, your fiancé should man up and pay her what is owed, and you will have to face the fact that this child (and to some extent the baby’s mother) will always be a part of his life. And if he does not pay up, you should think carefully about marrying a man who refuses to meet his obligations.
Dear Queenie,
My girlfriend and I have been together for several years and we’re talking about getting married, but it bothers me that she wants an expensive engagement ring.
In the first place, I can hardly afford such an expensive ring. Also, it seems to me like I would be paying her to marry me unless she gets me a gift of equal value.
Queenie, what do you think about all this?—Ambivalent
Dear Ambivalent,
I think you should buy a ring you can afford and propose to your girlfriend. If she refuses to marry you because the ring is too small, you may be better off looking for someone who places more value on your feelings for her than on the size of her engagement ring.
Dear Queenie,
My husband likes to sneak up on me when I’m not looking. He thinks it’s funny to surprise me. I’ve told him I don’t like it, but he won’t stop.
Queenie, what do you suggest?—Startled wife
Dear Startled,
I suggest you keep some sharp object – a large nail file, or a cooking fork or even a carving knife, for example – in your hand at all times when he is likely to sneak up on you. Seeing that you are prepared for his surprises may dissuade him from sneaking up on you. And if he still does so and you are so startled that you reflexively happen to stab him with said sharp object, especially in some very sensitive spot, it may forcibly teach him to be more considerate.
Dear Queenie,
I am a married professional woman that never had children for several very good personal reasons. My husband has no problem with this, but other people I meet are always asking me about my children and when I say I don’t have any they want to know why and sometimes they even start getting on about how much I am missing and I shouldn’t wait until I am too old, etc., etc.
Queenie, how do I answer them without being rude?—Offended
Dear Offended,
It depends on just how polite you want to be. Of course, you do not want to be rude to people you meet in the course of your work, but social contacts could be another matter.
Your response could range from “I have a medical condition” to “Ít’s a personal matter that I prefer not to discuss” to “What business is it of yours?”
Dear Queenie,
My boyfriend just broke up with me. He always said I was the best thing that ever happened to him, but now that he’s getting divorced he says it’s not a good idea for him to have a byside right now, but we can get back together later on after the divorce is final.
Everyone I know says he’s just using me as insurance so he can play around but still have someone waiting just in case.
Queenie, is he just playing games with me or should I wait for him to settle down?—Left wondering
