Dear Queenie,
My sister has lived far away from here for many years and we cannot afford to travel to visit her. She married a wealthy man and could well afford to come here to visit her family, but has never done so. She has never even met our children.
Now I’m getting older it makes me sick to think that after I die she will come to my funeral and make a big thing about how much she loved me and missed me and how sad she is that I am gone. Hypocrite! If she could come to my funeral, why couldn’t she come to see us while I was still alive?
Queenie, how can I stop this from happening?—Neglected sister
Dear Neglected,
Once you are dead, what difference will it make to you if your sister does show up at the funeral? Such ceremonies are mainly for the sake of those left behind, to help them through a difficult time.
And what makes you so certain she would come to your funeral? She may have good reasons for not travelling – for example, health issues that make it difficult for her to travel long distances, or responsibilities such as a disabled relative that she cannot leave unattended.
So why not leave the question of your sister’s attendance up to the person(s) who will be making the funeral arrangements? If they do not want your sister there, they can wait until after the funeral to notify her of your death. Problem (such as it is) solved.
