Dear Queenie,
I am a college graduate with a good job in a professional office. The problem is that my mother thinks my fiancé is not good enough for me because he never went beyond high school and works as a labourer. She says our marriage doesn’t have a chance and I will end up being sorry for marrying him.
Queenie, do you think our marriage can succeed or is she right?—Worried fiancée
Dear Fiancée,
There have been many marriages of people of very different backgrounds, and just as many divorces of people who seemed to be just right for each other. It all depends on how the two of you adapt to your differences.
Ask your mother to give your fiancé a fair chance. If she refuses to do so, try to ignore her comments and go ahead with your plans. Time will tell who is right about this (and if it turns out to be your mother, be prepared for a hefty helping of “I told you so!”),
Dear Queenie,
My mother recently got married to a man who has children of his own. What bothers me is that we don’t get treated the same way.
If they do something wrong they get a talking to and that is it. If I do something wrong I get grounded or punished in some other way.
Queenie, this just isn’t fair!—Stepchild
Dear Stepchild,
Of course it is not fair. Obviously your mother and stepfather have very different parenting styles.
Talk it over with your mother. If she and her husband can come to some agreement that is fair to all of their children, all well and good. If not, professional family counselling might help them to do so.
If necessary, talk to your school counsellor of your family doctor about it. Perhaps he/she can help them understand the seriousness of the problem and persuade them to get the help they apparently need.
Dear Queenie,
My husband’s sister lives next door to us and keeps an eye on whatever we do. If we have guests she will come over to see who they are. If she sees something being delivered she will come over to see what it is. If she catches on that we are fixing something or redecorating she wants to see whatever is new.
Queenie, I’m sick of her snooping. How do I tell her to mind her own business without being rude?—Fed up
Dear Fed up,
You cannot. However, this busybody is family, so instead of letting her get on your nerves, try feeling sorry for her because she has nothing better to do with her time.
Invite her over to visit once in a while. In fact, you might even consult her about your fixing-up/redecorating plans. Who knows, she might have some good ideas. And if you do not agree with what she suggests, you do not have to go along with it.
Dear Queenie,
I’m 18 and my boyfriend and I have been together for most of high school. He used to be so sweet, but lately he’s gotten so mean. He thinks he’s never wrong about anything and yells at me if I disagree with him or do anything to annoy him.
I miss how he used to be and I don’t know if I want to stay with him if he’s always going to be like this.
Queenie, am I making too much of this? Will he go back to how he used to be?—Confused
Dear Confused,
I cannot guess what has caused your boyfriend’s change of behaviour, but it is not a good sign. Even if he is under some kind of stress, if this is how he deals with it you would be better off getting out before he becomes physically abusive.
You could try talking to him about your fears at a time when he is in a calm mood. If he takes it well and agrees to get some professional counselling, your relationship may have a chance of lasting. But be prepared for him to blow up at you when you try to talk to him about it and, if he does, get out fast and stay out permanently.
Dear Queenie,
Normally when I read your article your reply seems accurate.
However, after reading your reply to “Molested employee” in the April 6 column I was disappointed and shocked by your advice which stated, and I quote: “Forget about the incident and if you go out with co-workers again make sure you stay sober. Do not drink any alcohol at all if that is what it takes for you not to get drunk.”
Queenie, the moral here is being molested and not about being intoxicated. This incident can impact that employee’s life forever. What it would take for her to protect herself from being molested again, drunk or sober, would be to find herself another job.—Female employee
Dear Female employee,
Perhaps you did not read the letter in that column carefully. The writer clearly said that when she told the man to stop what he was doing he stopped, and the next day he apologised for his behaviour.
She was not molested. The man approached her when she was intoxicated, she rejected him, he went no further and later showed regret for what he had done.
My advice to her was to make sure she never gave him – or any man – an opportunity to approach her that way again, specifically by refraining from drinking so much that her ability to function normally might be impaired, Perhaps if that man had tried again on another occasion I would have advised her to quit her job, but there was no indication that he had ever done so again.
