Dear Queenie,
My parents pretty much ignore me and my sister except when we get scolded for doing something wrong or even just not doing something quite right, but our brother get praised for everything he does, no matter what it is.
I tried talking to my mother about this but she says that’s just the way things are and I should learn to live with it.
Queenie, please help?—Disrespected
Dear Disrespected,
It would seem that your parents are rather old-fashioned, or come from a culture that does not place the same value on girls as on boys.
If your parents do not give you the validation you deserve, look for it in other places such as from your teachers and sports coaches if you play any sports.
Meanwhile, you and your sister should continue to try to do your very best. I promise you, it will pay off in the long run. Eventually your employers and colleagues will recognise and acknowledge your efforts even if your parents are not capable of doing so.
Dear Queenie,
I have been bisexual for 10 years now and maybe more and I’m 21 but my family doesn’t know about and might not even approve (old school and Christian). I’ve been with men and women.
I am in a relationship with a woman again and she’s madly in love with me and I’m with her.
My youngest sister is most important to me and we are really close and she never knew about that part of my life.
Queenie, how can I tell my youngest sister and my family about all this, because we are getting really serious?—M.B.
Dear M.B.,
Sooner or later your family, including your youngest sister, will find out about “all this.” It probably will not be easy for them to take, but it will be less difficult for them if it comes straight from you. However, you do not want to drop the news on them like a bombshell.
A little research on the Internet might help you. There are websites for LGBT persons that specifically help with dilemmas like yours.
You do not say how old your youngest sister is. If she is in her teens you can tell her along with, or at least in the same way as, the rest of your family. However, if she is younger than that you will have to find an age-appropriate way of talking to her about it. Perhaps once your parents know, they can help you tell her. They also may want to have some input into when you tell her.
Dear Queenie,
My husband told me one day about this woman at his job who keeps flirting with him but he said he told her he is married and not interested in her but she keep after him so he just tries to ignore her and nothing is happening between them.
Queenie, should I believe him?—Wondering wife
Dear Wondering,
I too am wondering why your husband felt it necessary to tell you about all this if nothing is happening. Does he also tell you about all the other things he is not doing? To quote Shakespeare, your husband “doth protest too much, methinks.”
Dear Queenie,
I don’t like to go to funerals. I prefer to remember people the way they were alive, not lying in a coffin ready to be cremated or buried in the ground, and once they’re dead they don’t care whether you are there or not.
My husband says this is disrespectful and I should go, if only to keep up appearances.
Queenie, what do you say?—Faithful reader
Dear Faithful,
Thank you for your compliment about my column.
As for your question, I think you should go. Funerals are not so much for the benefit of the deceased as for the ones they left behind and your presence could be a comfort to them and help them get through a difficult time.
Dear Queenie,
I’m getting ready to go to college and I want to take courses that will prepare me for a career that I have always wanted to follow. My girlfriend and I plan to get married and start a family when I graduate, but the problem is that the career I want will involve a lot of travel so I will be away a lot of the time and I know family should come first.
Queenie, should I give up my career for my family or do you think we can make it work with my being away so much?—Planning my future
Dear Planning,
There are many couples who are happily married under the kind of circumstances you anticipate. It takes a lot of effort, but they make it work. And you may find your ambitions changing as you grow older, or you may find jobs within your chosen career path that require less travel than you anticipate, especially in these days of easy long-distance communication.
