Dear Queenie,
I have been married for more than 30 years to a man I’m not in love with, although we get along with each other all right. We stayed together for the children’s sake, but now they are all grown up and out of the house.
I’ve been having an affair with another man for a couple of years. I just love him, but he’s hard to get along with sometimes. He has a bad temper and tries to control what I do and is very jealous and suspicious of everyone else I know.
I told him from the beginning that I wouldn’t leave my husband because of the children, but now they are grown up he is pressuring me to get a divorce. I can’t stand the thought of losing him, but I also can’t stand the thought of losing my safe home.
Queenie, what to do?—Ambivalent
Dear Ambivalent,
The thrill and excitement of having an affair have allowed you to accept the very unpleasant aspects of your lover’s character. His behaviour will not improve if you leave your husband; on the contrary, it may very well get worse.
Break up with him before that happens, and work on making your marriage as fulfilling as possible.
