Dear Queenie,
I got divorced because my husband cheated on me and my present boyfriend and I have been together for about 5 years and have a lovely daughter.
The thing is, I can’t seem to get over my ex-husband or cut off from his family and I keep wondering if there is someone better for me out there than my child’s father.
Queenie, is it possible that my ex and I could get back together?—Still searching
Dear Searching,
It is long past time for you to grow up and stop searching for “someone better.” You have a child to love and nurture, and that means giving her a stable environment – which means making a firm commitment to her father and making your life with him the best it can be. If necessary, get professional counselling to help you resolve your obvious issues and learn how to do this.
Dear Queenie,
I am about to enrol my daughter in pre-school and my mother is a caregiver at a pre-school. The problem is that there is another pre-school that I think would be much better for my daughter, but I don’t want to hurt my mother’s feelings.
Queenie, how do I decide between the two schools?—Uncertain
Dear Uncertain,
Have you discussed this with your mother? You may find there really is not as much difference between the two pre-schools as you think. Or she may agree with your assessment of them. Whatever your final conclusion, you should do what is best for your child. Surely you can find a way to make it up to your mother if you do not choose her school.
Dear Queenie,
My mother always sees the worst die of everything and criticises everything I do and every decision I make. She even changes my order at a restaurant.
I tried to talk to her about this, but she said I was imagining things and got mad and refused to discuss it with me.
I love my mother, but I can’t stand to be with her.
Queenie, what to do?—Frustrated daughter
Dear Daughter,
Your mother is accustomed to dealing with you as a child and has difficulty seeing you as an adult. Try to be patient with her.
Ignore her criticism without getting angry. If she changes a restaurant order, just say – pleasantly! – “Sorry, I prefer (whatever you originally ordered),” and be sure to give your order directly to the server.
Dear Queenie,
My husband has a friend who really creeps me out. He calls me “Honey” instead of my name and I have heard that he has a record of sex offences.
Queenie, how do I cope with all this?—Scared wife
Dear Wife,
Insist that this man call you by your name and ask your husband to back you up on this. Also, if your husband must socialise with him, insist that he do so away from your home and not in your presence, and that he NEVER leave you alone with him.
Dear Queenie,
A long time ago I was engaged to this girl but I broke the engagement because I didn’t feel ready to get married and eventually we both got married to someone else.
Now, all these years later, we are both single again and I asked her to go out with me and she did.
Queenie, should I tell her I am still in love with her?—Lovelorn
Dear Lovelorn,
You can, but do not expect her to respond in kind immediately. It will take time for her to trust you again, if it ever happens. Let her get to know you again and hope for the best.
