Dear Queenie,
My father is a smoker and so are some of my other relatives and my husband and his parents. My husband and I have made it a rule that there is no smoking in our house because one of our children has breathing problems. We even set up a nice place outside on our porch where they can go to smoke.
The problem is with my father. He refuses to go outside to smoke and he won’t even try to visit us unless we will let him smoke anywhere he wants to, which we won’t because of our child’s breathing problems, so he never visits. And of course we won’t let the children go visit him for the same reason.
Queenie, we want our children to know their grandfather. What can we do?—Concerned mother
Dear, Mother
There is nothing more you can do. Your first concern is your children’s health. You have not banned smokers from your house, you have just set some restrictions on them and you have tried to make it as comfortable and convenient for them as possible under the circumstances.
Shame on your father for being so self-centred!
Dear Queenie,
My husband died a month ago.
Queenie, how long am I expected to stay in mourning and when is it okay to start dating again?—Recent widow
Dear Widow,
There is no set rule for these things. I am sure your relatives (and your husband’s!) will give you all sorts of time frames, but in the end it is totally up to you. Do what you feel is right.
Dear Queenie,
My wife uses a lot of perfume to hide the fact that she has a strong body odor and for some reason she refuses to use deodorant.
Queenie, I don’t want to embarrass her by telling her it’s not working, but should I?—Protective husband
Dear Husband,
By all means talk to her – tactfully, if possible – about this. Think how embarrassed she will be if someone else tells her she stinks!
Dear Queenie,
My niece is just plain rude. She never speaks to me, even when I speak to her first or ask her a question.
Queenie, I know she is just going through a phase, but shouldn’t she be told to be more polite – or at least not so rude?—Ignored aunt
Dear Aunt,
Without telling her parents how to raise their child, you might try telling them how her behaviour makes you feel. And feel free to ignore her presence when it comes to serving food or handing out treats. If (when) she complains, just tell her, “Oh, now you are talking to me?!”
Dear Queenie,
I don’t think my husband is cheating on me but he is certainly flirting with women he talks to on social media and keeping it a secret from me. I found out by accident when I borrowed his phone to make a call while mine was charging.
Queenie, should I tell him I know about it?—Suspicious wife
Dear Wife,
Tell him what you told me – that you found out by accident – and apologise for it. Then tell him how it makes you feel and ask him to go with you for marriage counselling, and if he will not go with you, go without him.
